Night Calls
by Clairisant2000
Summary: This story picks up during the episode A Girl's Best Friend and will explain why AJ retired so quickly and without warning. It the first in a trilogy of stories. Also the meanings for the flowers that I use in the story come from a wonderful site that I use quite often, /flowerlanguage.html
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Night Calls

AUTHOR: Clairisant

CLASSIFICATION: AJ/Other

FEEDBACK: Would love to hear both good and bad feedback but please try to be kind and constructive. Clairisant

CREDITS: A special thank you to my beta readers Qupeydoll and Emsta.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story picks up during the episode A Girl's Best Friend and will explain why AJ retired so quickly and without warning. Also the meanings for the flowers that I use in the story come from a wonderful site that I use quite often, .

Chapter 1

Thursday, January 9, 2003

2230 EST

AJ's home

McLean, Virginia

AJ Chegwidden was a creature of habit. Part of that could have been because of his life of military training, or it could have been because of his age, but no matter the reason, he had his routine and kept to it. He had dinner within an hour of getting home in the evenings, or if he was going to be later than usual getting out of the office, he would stop for dinner somewhere or pick up take out. Then he would read the paper front to back after letting Dammit out. If there was a sports game on that he was interested in, he would turn on the television and sit in his recliner with a beer. At 2200 hours he would turn on the local news, then go to bed. He used to stay up and watch the monolog segment of _The Tonight Show_ when Johnny Carson had still been the host, but he didn't like Jay Leno, so he no longer did that. Normally he was asleep by 2245 EST.

Meredith Cavanaugh, his fiancé, had often teased him about his 'stodgy ways' and said it made him seem old. So, in an effort to show her that he could be as spontaneous as she could, if not as zany, he decided to surprise her when he got off work that night. He had dropped by to see her. But tonight the surprise had been on him! He'd walked in and found her in bed asleep. He was just about to call her name to wake her, when a movement in her bathroom doorway took his eyes from his sleeping fiancée to a tall dark male stranger coming out of the room buttoning his shirt. Their eyes had met and then the stranger, whom AJ assumed was her Professor friend, called Meredith's name. She woke to the sound of Selvaggio's voice with a smile and then followed his gaze to where AJ stood in the doorway.

As he lay down to sleep that night, it was the look on her face that he saw when he closed his eyes. She hadn't looked guilty, or sorry that she'd done what she had, it was more a look of being sorry she'd been caught. That was the look that had made him turn and walk out without saying a word. It was also the look that wouldn't let him sleep now.

How could he have trusted her with his heart? They had been planning a wedding! A life together! And she had betrayed all that!

Granted he had been working a lot of hours lately, but he thought she'd understood his job and what it meant. But none of that justified what she'd done.

After tossing and turning for over an hour, AJ sighed in frustration and turned on his bedside radio in the hopes that the music would sooth him enough so he could finally sleep. His favorite jazz station came on and he listened until midnight when the announcer said it was time for the nightly call in show. A Dr. Luna Huggins would take calls, answer questions, and give advice for the next four hours. AJ gave a snort of disgust and reached out to turn the radio off when his hand stopped at the last second.

The most compelling voice he'd ever heard in his life came into his bedroom and seemed to wrap him in an aura of warmth and caring. Her voice was husky for a woman, but there was something about it that just drew you in. It made you feel like she was talking to just you. It sounded like warm honey. His hand slowly fell away from the radio, almost without conscious thought. AJ never listened to this kind of free 'psychobabble' as he called it. He scorned shows like Dr. Phil and countless others that popularized psycho-analazation on public television.

AJ knew that counselors and physiatrists were necessary and even beneficial. He had talked to a few in his lifetime and had to send the people under his command to see them too, most recently when Colonel Mackenzie had killed Sadik and wasn't handling it well afterwards. But that was in the work world.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

AJ had been raised to take care of his own problems and emotional ones were right at the top of that list. You didn't go crying to some stranger because someone had hurt your feelings…or slighted you in some way…or betrayed the love and trust you'd placed in them, by sleeping with another man just because you'd been spending to many hours at work…'Snap out of it!' he told himself, 'You're beginning to sound like a pity party!'

'Well, why shouldn't I? After what she did with that smarmy professor?'

'Now come on, you never even saw him before tonight, you don't know if he's smarmy!'

'But how could she have betrayed me like that? I loved her!'

'Did you hear yourself? Did you notice that you mentioned 'betrayed' before 'love'? Could it be your pride is more hurt than your heart?'

'Are you saying I didn't love her?'

'All I'm saying is, think about the bigger picture here.'

AJ didn't know how long the internal argument would have gone on if something on the radio hadn't caught his attention. Dr. Huggins was saying, "So you caught your boyfriend cheating on you Carol?"

"Yes," the caller named Carol said. "I found him in bed with my sister!"

"Did you have any indication that he would do that kind of thing?" Dr. Huggins asked.

"What do you mean?" Carol questioned.

"Did he have any history of cheating before the two of you started dating?"

"He was dating my older sister before me," Carol offered.

"So you stole him from her?"

"No! He came on to me!"

"Was he still going out with your sister at the time?"

"Yeah, he broke it off with her cuz he said I was better in bed."

"So let me get this straight…you were surprised to find him with your other sister?"

"Well yeah. If I was better in bed than Cindy, why would he want to sleep with Cathy?"

"Because he has a history of it Carol. Do you have any other sisters?"

"Yeah, Candy, but she's only fourteen."

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"And your other sisters?"

"Cindy is nineteen, and Cathy is sixteen."

"How old is your boyfriend?"

"He's twenty."

"Sweetie, you'd better cut him loose. He's a big time user and you should make sure Candy stays away from him!"

"But I love Joey and I want him back! I called hoping you could tell me what to do about getting a boob job or something! I mean you're a doctor and all!" the young caller was sounding desperate.

"Carol, he's not worth it. He cheated on Cindy, he cheated on you, and if you did get him back, he'll be cheating on Cathy. What makes you think changing your body for him will make him change his habits? Forget him and find someone who will be faithful to you. You're worth it!"

"You really think I can get a guy better than Joey, Dr. Huggins?" Carol sounded like she was crying.

"Yes I do Carol. You tell Joey that he is a user and you deserve better. Tell Cathy that as well and be sure to keep him away from Candy!"

"I will Dr. Huggins and thank you!"

"Thank you for calling Carol. Now you'd better get to sleep, tomorrow is a school day."

Even though AJ didn't think much of this kind of talk show, he had grudging respect for the advice Dr. Huggins had given the young girl. As to whether the talk show hostess was really a doctor, well he had his doubts, but he had agreed with her assessment of Carol's situation. AJ wished he could have gotten a hold of this Joey character and set him straight on how to treat women.

Glancing at the clock and seeing that it was almost 0200 hours, he felt that he'd better take some of the advice Dr. Huggins had given Carol and try and get some sleep. At least tomorrow was Friday, and if he could get through the day, he could have two days before facing his staff again.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Friday, January 10, 2003

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

The day was just as bad as AJ had expected it to be. In fact, it was almost worse. AJ wasn't sure if it was because of his own foul mood, or if his staff actually were happier than normal, but seeing smiling faces all around him just made his mood all the more dark. He had to restrain himself from snapping at everyone and the three calls from Meredith to his private cell phone didn't help his mood one bit.

Glad he had caller ID and that he'd been able to avoid answering her calls, he still turned his phone off after the third call. Couldn't the woman take the hint that he didn't want to talk to her? At least she had enough sense not to call his work number!

However her sense seemed to run out about 1630 EST. AJ was coming back from the break room with a fresh mug of coffee when PO Coates cheerfully announced that his fiancée was on line one for him. Her stunned look played over and over in his mind on his drive home. He had forcefully plunked his full mug down on her desk, managing to splatter her phone and appointment book with the hot liquid as he told her, "Tell her I've gone home for the day!"

Without stopping for his briefcase or his cover, he strode through the bullpen into the elevator and went home. His shocked staff watched his exit and speculation ran wild as soon as the elevator doors closed behind him.

AJ got home to find six messages on his machine. Although he had no desire at all to hear Meredith's voice, he was much too responsible of a person to just assume all the calls were from her and delete them. However, he had no hesitation in doing so the moment he heard the call was from her. He did so four times. One call was from Francesca saying that she was going to be out of town for the weekend and because she didn't know what her schedule would be like, she would call him for their Sunday chat. The other was to inform him that his newspaper subscription was up soon and reminding him to renew it.

Before he finished dealing with the messages, his phone was ringing. Thanks to the caller ID, he was able to see that it was Meredith and he even turned the volume down on the answering machine. She continued to try and get through to him all weekend.

With everything still so fresh in his head and her persistent calls, AJ found himself tuning in Dr. Huggins talk show both Friday and Saturday nights. He was still drawn to her compelling voice. Her sound, and some times insightful advice, caught him by surprise both nights.

Sunday evening the caller ID let him know that his twin sister was calling from Texas. Picking up the receiver before the answering machine could get it, he greeted her warmly.

"AJ, why aren't you taking calls from your fiancée?"

He sighed, just how much should he tell his sister? But before he could decide that he had to know how much Meredith had told her. "Why in the world would Meredith call you Adele? The two of you haven't even met!"

"She was very upset AJ, she said she'd been trying to get a hold of you for days. If you're avoiding her calls, you two must have had a pretty bad fight."

"That doesn't explain why she called you."

"It does if you're not taking her calls. She called me to ask if I'd ask you to talk to her. What did she do or say to make you that angry?"

"How do you know it was her and not me that did something?"

"God! You're still a lawyer at heart, answering questions with questions! I know because she is the one trying to get a hold of you, not the other way around. She sounded pretty desperate. What did she do AJ?"

"I'd rather not say Adele."

"Wow, that bad? Does that mean the wedding is off?"

"I guess I hadn't thought about it to that extent, but now that you've brought it up, yes, there will be no wedding."

"Oh AJ! I'm sorry! What happened?" Adele's voice had changed from a slightly perturbed tone to a very sympathetic one.

"Adele, I'd…"

"Rather not say…I know, but you know me well enough to know that I won't give up till you tell me what's going on."

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"I could just hang up," AJ threatened.

"And I would just call back," Adele threatened back.

"I have caller ID," he grumbled.

"AJ…"

"Oh alright! I found her in bed with another man. Happy now?"

"No! How could you think I'd be happy about that?! Oh my! AJ, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to come up there?"

"To what? Punch her out or hold my hand?"

"Well, I could do either or both, if that's what you need."

"No Adele I'm fine, I just have no desire to hear her excuses or justifications."

"I can understand that. Are you sure you don't want me to come up?"

"No dear, I'll be fine."

"Well okay, but if you need to talk you can call me day or night."

"I know, and thanks for caring, sis."

"It's my job to take care of my little brother."

With a sigh at the argument they'd had for years, he said, "I'm only three minutes younger and the last time I checked over a half a foot taller than you."

"You'll still always be my 'little brother'," she taunted.

"I know," he agreed with a slight chuckle.

"Okay, I'm going to call her back and read her the riot act."

"No! Just leave it please."

"But she wanted me to call her back!"

"So?"

"Oh…okay, I guess you're right…let her wonder. Good thing I have caller ID too."

"Yes it is," he agreed, and after a few minutes more of catching up on news in their lives, they ended the call.

There were two more calls from Meredith before AJ went to bed that night. Once again he knew that he wouldn't be able to get to sleep. It was nearly midnight when his cell phone rang and because of the hour, AJ expected some kind of emergency. When he saw Francesca's name on the caller ID he was truly worried.

"Papa, please do not be mad at me, I know it is late, but I just got home and did not want to miss our call. Were you asleep?"

"No, I wasn't, but what do you mean you just got home? With the time difference it's nearly 6am there!"

"I know Papa," there was a giggle from his daughter. "I met the most wonderful man last week and he whisked me away on his yacht this weekend. Nicholi is Greek and very well to do. Please say you are not mad at me."

"For going away for the weekend with a man you just met?"

"No silly! For calling you so late."

"Oh, no, I'm not mad about that."

"Good, now tell me all your news! Did Meredith get you to do anything wild and exciting this weekend?"

"No daughter, I'm not seeing Meredith any longer."

"Not seeing her? Do you mean you had a fight?"

"No, no fight."

"Then I do not understand. You can make up from a fight…believe me 'make-up sex' can be wonderful!"

"There will be no 'make-up sex' Francesca."

"Why ever not?"

"Because the wedding is off. Meredith and I are done."

"Oh no, Papa! What happened?"

Knowing his daughter could be just as persistent as his sister, they both would have made great investigators, he told her bluntly, "I found her with another man."

"Oh Papa! It might have been one last fling before tying herself to one man for the rest of her life. I know you'll expect her to be faithful after the wedding, but there's no reason to go crazy over a last fling."

"Francesca the wedding was five months away! And call me old fashioned, but I expected her to be faithful once we became exclusive!"

"But Papa that is only an American thing. Did you not tell me that she spent quite some time abroad?"

"I would never be able to trust her again, Francesca. It's over and that is all there is to it."

"Now, Papa, you have to remember that it is harder to find the perfect woman the older you get. Are you sure that you cannot forgive her?"

"I don't even want to try, Francesca."

"Well then you need to come and visit me and let me introduce you to some nice Italian women."

"I don't want a nice Italian woman!"

"Maybe I could find a not-so-nice one for you…"

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Francesca, the last Italian woman I had was your mother, and you know how well that turned out. I am fine on my own. Maybe I'll take some time off and travel. I always wanted to tour the major league ballparks, I could do that this summer," AJ told his daughter.

"Oh you Americans and your baseball!" she laughed.

"Don't you give me that daughter! I know very well that you enjoyed the game I took you to last summer."

"Yes, but I was admiring the sexy men in their tight uniforms!" she sighed.

"And that was why you were cheering for every home run batted in?"

"Oh that…"

"Yes that…" he chuckled. "Maybe you could take some time off and come with me?"

"I just might do that Papa. Now I should let you get to bed and I should do the same for a few hours before work."

"Alright, I'll talk to you next week."

"Si. Ciao, Papa."

"Ciao Francesca."

He undressed and climbed into bed, turning on the radio as he settled back against his pillows. Dr. Huggins' show had already started so he was immediately enveloped in her compelling voice.

The next morning he woke late because the alarm hadn't gone off. The radio was still playing and he realized he must have fallen asleep during Dr. Huggins' program. He remembered her telling a twenty-nine year old man that if he ever wanted to be independent, he would need to get job and move out of his mother's house. AJ had snorted when the young man, named Neil, had whined that his mother wouldn't let him move out. That was the last thing he remembered before waking.

By the time he got to the office, the rest of the staff was arriving and PO Coates was making a fresh pot of coffee. Sighing because he knew it would be much weaker than he liked, AJ just went to his office without a cup. He was surprised to find a steaming mug sitting in the middle of his desk. As he came around the desk to sit down he saw a post-it-note on the mug that read, 'I rescued this for you before it was dumped.' It was signed Colonel Mackenzie.

Taking a hefty swig, he sighed in pleasure as the heavy brew hit his system. Only he and Mac drank their coffee this strong. It was a standing joke between them that the other could handle it. He would have to remember to thank her.

AJ got a chance as the staff headed to the conference room for the morning meeting. He stopped her just before they entered the room and said, "Thank you for the coffee, Colonel. It really hit the spot."

"You're welcome, Sir. When you weren't here before the others started arriving I figured you could use it."

"You figured right, the alarm didn't go off and I didn't have time to make any at home. Thank you again."

"Any time, Sir," she grinned and they entered the room together.

AJ tried to keep what was going on in his personal live separate from his work, but it just seemed that everywhere he turned, he was reminded of it. Someone who had just heard about the engagement would stop him in the hall to offer their congratulations, or he would get a call from the caterer or florist with something only he could answer. Those calls reminded him of all the things that would need to be canceled. To top it off, Meredith took to calling him at work.

The first such call was avoided easily. Coates simply told her that the Admiral was in a meeting. Whether Meredith believed her or not, it had been true. However, when Meredith called back that afternoon, Coates became the first to be aware something serious was going on. She had announced the call as usual, but instead of being thanked and the call being taken, the Admiral told her to inform Ms. Cavanaugh that he was unavailable!

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As soon as she had done that, Jen entered the Admiral's office to find out what was up. "Sir, is there something I should know for the future if Ms. Cavanaugh keeps calling?"

"Until she stops calling I am unavailable to her, Petty Officer," AJ told her.

"Oh, Sir, I'm sorry! Does that mean the wedding is off?"

"I prefer not to discuss my personal business in the office, Coates."

"I understand that, Sir, but since I've been helping with the wedding arrangements I know that both you and Ms. Cavanaugh have a lot of money in deposits. If the wedding is off, then the sooner you cancel those things, the more likely it is that you'll get your deposits back."

With a sigh, because he knew she was right, AJ told her, "Alright, but this information doesn't go beyond this office…yes the wedding is off. You can begin to cancel things that you feel we are likely to get deposits back from."

"Oh, Sir, I am sorry! Are you sure there's no chance that the two of you will get back together?"

"Yes, I'm sure," he said firmly.

"Alright, Sir, you can count on me that this won't go any farther, but…ummm aren't Ms. Cavanaugh and Colonel Mackenzie friends?"

"They are, but I have no control over what Meredith tells people."

"I know, Sir. I just didn't want you to think it was me if word does happen to get out."

"Noted. Dismissed, Coates."

"Yes, Sir," Jen said softly as she turned and left the room. She was truly sorry for her CO. He and Ms. Cavanaugh had seemed happy whenever she'd seen them together. She wondered what had happened.

True to her word, no one in the office found out about the Admiral's broken engagement from her. Jen fielded the calls from Meredith with the skill of a diplomat, giving away nothing to the woman Jen was sure had broken her CO's heart. How did she know that? Because he was the one walking around like a grumpy wounded bear. He also wasn't the one trying frantically to reach the other to make amends. Jen had gotten that much from Ms. Cavanaugh. Meredith had told her one time that she had to talk to AJ to tell him how sorry she was. She tried to pump Jen for information on AJ. She wanted to know things like, how he was and what he had told his staff about the situation. Jen had simply asked, "What situation would that be?"

That had held Meredith from giving any more away to Coates until she found out that Jennifer had been canceling things for the wedding. It was then Meredith tried demanding to know what AJ had told her. Jen simply hung up on her. That had been late Wednesday afternoon, not long before the Admiral had left for the day. Jen was concerned for him, he wasn't sleeping, she could tell from the bags under his eyes and she was pretty sure he was missing more than the three lunches he had worked through this week already. His growly bear attitude had the whole office speculating. Jen had heard the talk and had even been questioned to see what she knew. As promised, she told them nothing, even suggesting that nothing was wrong.

AJ had no idea his mood was the main topic of office gossip these days, but even if he had, he wouldn't have been believed that his moods could effect everyone in the office the way they did. His lack of sleep was still allowing him to catch Dr. Huggins' show every night. It was on Wednesday night that a call from Meredith made him break down and call into the show.

Meredith must have wised up and realized that he recognized her cell, home, and office, numbers enough to avoid her calls. So whether it was a friend's phone or a pay phone when a call came through that had a number he didn't know, he answered it. Because of his job and having to be available in case of any kind of emergency, he couldn't ignore calls from numbers he didn't recognize.

However he regretted that fact as soon as he heard her voice. She started by pleading, "AJ, please talk to me! Let me explain!"

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I have nothing to say to you Meredith and need no explanation for what I saw. Please stop calling me," AJ requested and hung up the phone.

Meredith clearly was not willing to heed his wishes, because his phone rang again within seconds and kept doing so until almost 2200 hours, when it seemed she finally gave up for the night. AJ had let the answering machine screen his calls for him.

When Dr. Huggins' show began AJ wasn't even in bed. He figured, 'what was the use' because he knew sleep would be a long time in coming that night. Three of the first five calls to the show were from young girls asking almost identical questions. They all seemed to need to know from the good doctor what to do when a man was pressuring them for sex. Dr. Huggins treated each one as if they were the only caller with that question. Even though she told each of them what their own mothers had probably told them when they first started dating, she put it kindly and gently treating each call with respect and concern.

AJ was just about to turn off the radio, not because of his disagreement with anything the doctor had to say, but over the lack of common sense of the callers that night. But his hand stopped halfway to the dial when the next caller caught his attention.

Jane from Georgetown was calling, "My husband is in the Marines and is stationed in Iraq. Everything was just fine, or I thought so until today," she sobbed.

"What happened today?" Dr. Huggins asked.

"I got a letter…" the crying became louder.

"From your husband?"

"No! From his girlfriend!" was the angry response.

"Oh dear…would you want to tell us what the letter said Jane?"

"She said he had promised her for months that he would tell me about them and ask for a divorce, but since he hadn't done so, she decided to tell me herself!"

"I see, and if he is in Iraq, how does she know he hasn't told you?"

"She is over there with him! She's a Marine too!"

AJ sighed when he heard that. He felt for this 'Jane', he could relate after what had happened to him, however he did feel bad that the two involved were in the military. Things like that were not good for the reputation of the Services.

Dr. Huggins asked, "Do you believe what this woman is telling you is true about your husband? The reason I ask is that you said you'd believed that everything was okay with your marriage, so what is it that makes you believe someone you don't even know?"

Jane took an audible breath, while AJ had a moment to admire Dr. Huggins' desire to have all the facts before handing out advice.

"Yes, I do believe her, what reason would she have to lie about something like this?" Jane asked.

"There could be many reasons, Jane. I think before you decide on any course of action you need to talk to your husband and find out if this is true."

"What if he lies to me?"

"Well unless she told him she was going to write that letter to you, I'm guessing it will come as a surprise to him so you'll have that advantage. How long have the two of you been married?"

"Three years."

"That should be long enough for you to be able to tell when he is lying. Don't you?"

"I guess so…"

"Then my advice is to confront him with the letter. But before you do that, you need to decide what you're going to do if it turns out to be true. Do you love him enough to forgive him and work things out, or is this a deal breaker, and if it's true are you done with him?"

"But what if I want to work it out, but he wants a divorce?" Jane was crying again.

"There has to be some reason he didn't tell you even if this is true. Maybe this was just a fling because he was away from you and he wants to preserve your marriage. You need to have a long talk with him and find out where his head and heart are in this situation. When you've done that, if you need more help you know that you are welcome to call back."

"Thank you Dr. Huggins. Just having someone to talk to about this had helped a lot. I will talk to Bob as soon as I can."

"Thank you Jane, for calling and I do hope that things work out for you and Bob."

As the call ended, AJ reached out for the phone almost without thinking. He was a bit startled when a man answered and asked, "Are you a first time caller?"

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Ummm yes," AJ replied.

"Okay, first name only and where you're calling from."

He had forgotten they would want his name. Not having any idea if his staff or anyone else that knew him listened to the show, he still didn't want his real name broadcast over the airwaves. He realized that the man was waiting when he repeated his request. "Umm ah…Bert…from Falls Church," he stuttered out.

"Okay Bert, the doctor will be with you in a minute. There is a seven second delay from what you are saying until it goes on the air. That is in case someone is using profanity or saying something else inappropriate. If you have your radio on, you will need to turn it down or off to avoid feedback."

"Alright," AJ said and waited for her to answer his call. He sat there wondering why he had placed this call and was just about to hang up when he heard her voice in his ear. "Hello Bert from Falls Church, what can I help you with tonight?"

Once again he thought about just hanging up without saying a word, but then she encouraged him as if he were a scared boy.

"Take your time Bert, and just say what ever it is in your own words."

"Whose words would I use but my own?" he asked with a light chuckle. To his own ears it sounded rusty and he realized that it had been a week since he smiled or laughed.

"I don't know. That's a good question," she laughed in response. "But now that I have you talking, will you tell me why you called?"

"Actually I almost hung up. I don't do this kind of thing," he admitted.

"I see. Someone used to dealing with your own problems?" she questioned.

"And other people's," AJ told her.

"Well everyone needs someone to talk to and a man like yourself, handling all that, would need it even more so. If you don't have someone that you can confide in about this problem, then this might be a good alternative for you."

"I have been listening to your show recently and have been impressed with the advice you give."

"Thank you, Bert, that's good to hear. Now you say recently, does that mean you've been having problems sleeping since this problem developed?"

"You're good! How did you know that?"

"Well before I have you thinking that I have ESP, I need to tell you that was how I got this job. I was having trouble sleeping myself and heard the show when Dr. Grant hosted it. When he announced he was retiring, I applied for the job as his replacement. So there you have it."

"I see. Did he help you with the problem causing your sleeplessness?"

"Actually I never called in," the doctor admitted.

"And did the sleeplessness resolve itself?"

"Well, I'm here every night now. I sleep during the day. But you called for assistance Bert, shall we get to what's troubling you?"

"I caught my fiancée with another man."

"Oh my, you actually caught them in the act?"

"No, it was after the fact, but what I called for was an explanation for why a woman would do something like that," he uttered a frustrated sigh.

"Do you know if this has happened before?"

"Not that I'm aware of," he answered.

"How was the relationship before this? Were the two of you fighting?"

"No, we weren't. Me…Mary was a bit upset with how much time I'd been spending at work lately, but we've been short handed and that meant I had to put in some extra hours. I thought she understood."

"Did she do this on purpose so you would find her and be jealous?"

"No, I purposely left work early one night and went to her apartment to surprise her."

"I take it, you did?"

"To say the least."

"Did she give you a reason for what she did?"

"I didn't give her a chance. I just turned and walked out."

"You haven't talked to her since it happened?"

"No. She's been calling repeatedly, but I have nothing to say to her. I'd just like to know why? Why would any woman do that?"

"First, it sounds like you do have something to say to her, even if it is just that question. Second, I have to tell you that not 'any' woman would do that. There are many women out there that can be completely faithful to one man. That being said, for the women out there that would do a thing like that, the reason would be as varied as the women themselves. The only way you're going to know her reason, is to talk to her."

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"The problem there is that I never want to hear the sound of her voice again. Although that hasn't been possible since she won't stop calling," AJ told her.

"I could guess or speculate for you Bert, but that wouldn't be very professional of me and it really wouldn't be what you want to know," Dr. Huggins informed him.

"How do you figure?"

"Because you want to know why she did it and only she can tell you. Talk to her, I'm not saying get back together if that's not what you want, but at least put your question to her and see what she has to say."

"I'll think about it."

"You do that and if you need to talk again, please call."

"Thank you doctor, but I'll have to give this some thought before choosing a course of action."

"I understand Bert, and I wish you all the best. Just remember that hate and anger are a bile in your system and can poison your future."

"I truthfully don't hate her, nor am I angry really. I would just like to understand why she did it."

"Then there is only one way to do that Bert."

"Thank you doctor," AJ said and ended the call with much to think about. He didn't even listen to the rest of the show before crawling into bed to let his mind mull things over.

Thursday, January 16, 2003

0700 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

AJ arrived at his normal early hour and because Mac wasn't there yet he started a pot of coffee. He had been at his desk for about fifteen minutes when Mac knocked on his doorjamb carrying a steaming mug. "Yes, Colonel?" he inquired as she entered the room.

"Sir, permission to speak freely?"

With a sigh, he took off his reading glasses and motioned for her to take a seat. Mac did so as he asked, "What's on your mind, Mac?" afraid that he already knew. Her next words confirmed his fears.

"Sir, I got a call from Meredith last night. She was very upset. She told me that she'd done something stupid and needed to tell you how sorry she was, but that you wouldn't listen. Normally I would have just told her I couldn't get involved, but she said it had been going on for days and then I remembered how…out of sorts you've been lately. Still I know from experience how fair you are and the refusing to even hear her out just sounded so unlike you…"

"Is that all?"

"Well yes, I guess so, but I was wondering if I could help in some way?"

"No Mac, there's nothing you can do. Now if there's nothing else I do have some work to catch up on."

"But Sir! Meredith will be calling me back…what should I tell her?"

"Tell her that when she is ready to tell you what she did, you'll come and talk to me again."

"Wow, it was that bad?" she asked.

"Dismissed, Colonel," AJ stated firmly.

Mac knew when to push a hostile witness and when not to. She got up to leave the room and softly made an offer she'd made once before, "Sir, if you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to listen."

Just as he had the last time, AJ waited till the door had closed behind her to say, "Thank you, Sarah." Both of them knew that it would never happen.

That afternoon AJ looked up from the report he was reading as the door to his office burst open and two women rushed in. Coates was saying, "I'm sorry, Sir! I tried to stop her!"

While Meredith was pleading, "Please, AJ, just give me a few moments of your time?!"

Looking at his yeoman, AJ said, "It's alright, Coates." He followed her to the door and before closing it on her added, "No interruptions!"

"Yes, Sir!"

Once the door was closed, the couple that had been in love and engaged just a week ago faced each other. Neither quite knew where to start. Meredith had been trying to talk to him for days and now here she was, unsure how to start. AJ had told Dr. Huggins the truth when he'd said he never wanted to see or hear from his ex-fiancée again, but he admitted to himself that she'd been right when she told him that only Meredith could answer the question burning in his mind.

When the silence was at last broken, it was by both of them at once…

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"AJ, what happened was a mistake and I'm sorry," Meredith stated.

"Why?" AJ asked.

"What?" she asked when she realized that he'd spoken at the same time she had.

"All I want to hear from you, Meredith, is why you did it? I know I'd been busy here at work, but was that any reason to cheat on me?"

"No it wasn't and that's not why I did it."

"Then why?" he demanded.

"I got scared," she admitted, not looking at him.

"Scared? Of what?"

"Of commitment. Please don't think it was you, AJ. This wasn't the first engagement I sabotaged."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was engaged before and did the same thing…but this is the first time that I regretted it!"

"The first time? Just how many times have you done this?"

Meredith hesitated before answering, but because she wanted to be truthful now that AJ was listening to her she said, "Four times before this."

"You cheated on all of them?"

"Yes! But this is the first time I've been sorry for what I did, AJ! When I saw your face, I knew that this time was different. I'd hurt you and I regretted it at once, but you just left before I could tell you that!"

"I was supposed to stay and the three of us would have sat down to have a chat over coffee?"

"Okay, you're right that wouldn't have been the time or place, but I've been trying to call you for a week!"

"Did you ever think I didn't want to talk to you, Meredith?"

"But, AJ, I love you!"

"You have a funny way of showing it!"

"I know it was wrong and I'm sorry! All the other times I felt relieved when my fiancés found out, but this time it's different! I want you, and I'm sorry."

"Maybe you'll think of that before you cheat on your next fiancé."

She paused a moment before speaking. She'd honestly thought that once she got to talk to AJ, she could make him understand that this time was different, that she really loved him like she hadn't all the others. But it sounded like he might not care! "You won't forgive me?"

He stood at his long window, looking out, as if he couldn't even bear to look at her. "You betrayed the trust I placed in you, Meredith. That isn't easy to forgive."

"But we could try, AJ! Please give me another chance! I love you!" She came over to him and placed her hand on his arm hoping he would turn and take her into his arms. He didn't, in fact she actually felt him flinch at her touch.

"All I wanted was a reason why you did what you did. You can go now, Meredith."

"You're not going to let me try and make this up to you?" she begged.

"No," he answered quietly, but with a finality in his voice that even Meredith could understand.

Drawing a shaky breath, she asked, "I suppose you want your ring back?"

"Not really," he replied with a shake of his head.

She paused in the middle of removing the ring as she thought about keeping it or not. Finally she slid it the rest of the way off and placed in on his desk. "It wouldn't be right to keep it," she announced and started for the door. Giving him one last chance to change his mind and stop her, Meredith said, "Good-bye, AJ."

"Good-bye, Meredith."

Striding through the bullpen with her head held high, she didn't even stop when she saw Mac's sympathetic face. She just had to get out of there before she broke down and cried. Somehow, she just knew that she'd lost the best thing that ever happened to her.

That night as AJ lay in bed listening to Dr. Huggins' show, he thought about calling in, but had talked himself out of it a couple of times before he seemed to pick up on something in her voice. She didn't exactly sound sad, it was more wistful, he thought. Her advice was still calm and thoughtful; he just sensed that there was something else going on. Then, about ten minutes from the normal end of her show, she announced that there were no more callers on the line. AJ was dialing before he gave it a second thought.

"Hello Bert from Falls Church. You got in just under the wire tonight."

"Hello, I was listening to your show and heard you say that there were no more callers…"

"So instead of letting me go home early, you decided to call?" she teased.

To be continued…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"I'm the boss where I work and I know what kind of precedent can be set by that. Tonight it might be ten minutes, tomorrow, twenty, then next week, a half an hour…" AJ chuckled.

"Well, I'm sure my boss will thank you then. We don't have much time, shall we get to the reason you called?"

"I talked to Me…Mary today."

"I'm glad you decided to do that."

"I didn't actually. She barged into my office and I figured that since she was already there I would try and get a reason out of her."

"Did you?"

"Yes, after a fashion…"

"Would you be willing to share that reason with us?"

AJ hesitated for just a moment before replying. He honestly didn't care if Meredith/Mary was listening at that point. He also doubted any of his staff would be tuning in at 0400, but even if they were, they wouldn't know Bert from Falls Church or connect AJ with the story he was about to tell. "I'm not sure you'll believe this, because I found it so hard to believe myself."

"I'll keep an open mind. What reason did she give you?"

"She was afraid of commitment, just like she was the four other times she'd done this in the past. But this time was different because she was sorry about it afterwards," AJ reported snidely.

"I see…what did you have to say about that?"

"I told her she should think of that before she tries it on her next fiancé."

"So there was no moonlight and roses make-up session?"

"Not at all."

"Bert, I'm afraid that's all the time we have in the show, but if you will give me a minute to lead the station into a commercial, I would like to talk with you for a few minutes off the air…"

"Sure, that would be fine," AJ told her, wondering what more she might have to say to him.

A very short time later she was back and said, "Thank you for waiting, Bert."

"I didn't mind, in fact, I was wanting to ask you if you were alright?"

"What do you mean?"

"I thought I picked up on a wistfulness in your voice tonight and was wondering if something was wrong?"

"Are you a counselor or psychologist, Bert? You really seem tuned in to people."

"Sure, like I was to a fiancée that has a habit of cheating! But you're avoiding my question about what you're feeling…"

"I guess I was. Today was just the anniversary of a sad event for me. I'm sorry I let it effect my work."

"You didn't. Not at all in fact. Did you lose someone on this date?"

"In a way, but why is it that whenever you call in we talk about my life instead of yours?"

"Probably because anyone else's life is more interesting than mine," he answered with a sigh.

"That's just a defense mechanism, Bert. Now how about the real reason?"

"Ouch! You don't pull any punches off the air, do you, Doc?"

"I would have said the same thing to you on the air, but air time is for caller's problems not mine."

"So there is a problem?"

"I'll tell you what, you tell me why you want to know and I just might tell you what it is," she offered.

AJ paused to consider his answer; he knew what it was, he just didn't know why it was, or if he was ready to tell her what it was. "All right…I asked because I care. You sound like a nice person and I don't like to see…hear…you hurting."

"Oh, Bert, that's sweet, and in the midst of your own pain too!"

"So you were going to tell me what was bothering you?" he pressed gently.

"Six years ago today I was in an ex…accident. I lost the baby I was carrying."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. You must have been devastated."

"I didn't even know it till weeks later. I was in a coma and had to be told when I woke up."

"That must have been even worse!"

"Why do you think that?"

"Because by then everyone else would have been dealing with their grief and moving on with their loss while it was new and fresh for you."

"That's exactly how it felt! What an incredibly understanding person you are! Are you sure you're not a counselor?"

With a chuckle he said, "No, I'm a lawyer."

To be continued…


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Really? Well I guess they need to be able to read people too, so you know when people are lying to you," Dr. Huggins reasoned.

"Yes, that comes in handy. Well doctor, I suppose I should let you get home to your husband," AJ suggested.

"I'm in no hurry Bert. I'm divorced, so there's no one waiting on me, not even a cat."

"I'm sorry to hear that…about the divorce, I mean, not the fact that you don't have a cat."

He heard a light laugh before she said, "I figured that's what you meant, but no need to be sorry, it happened quite a while ago. I'm used to it."

"Don't we all have that in our past these days? I'm divorced as well."

"But it's good that you have the courage to try again Bert. Don't let Mary's betrayal spoil the search for love in your life. When you've had time to heal, you need to get back out there and let love find you again."

"Have you followed your own advice doctor?"

"Oh please, since we're not on the air, you can call me Luna."

"Thank you, Luna, that's an unusual name. But you didn't answer my question."

"Yes, I get comments on it all the time. My parents were druids and very into the cycles of the moon and such, hence my name."

"I see, and my question?"

"You _are_ very persistent Bert. I can see that you must be a good lawyer. You keep at someone until they answer you."

"Which you still haven't done, Luna."

He heard her sigh and say, "Alright Bert, the answer to your question is 'no'."

"Why ever not? Someone as caring and open as you are should have no trouble finding someone."

"You don't know the whole story Bert."

"Then tell me," he offered her a willing ear.

For the first time, she lied to him, he could hear it in her voice, "It's a long story and unfortunately I have to go now, they need the line open. Good night Bert and I hope you can get some sleep before you have to go to work."

He was going to call her on her lie when he heard the click of her ending the call before he could say anything. Looking at the dead receiver in his hand, he said, "You can be sure that I'll be calling back, Luna. I will find out how you expect me to take advice that you won't!"

The next morning after his five-mile run, AJ was enjoying a cup of coffee before leaving for the office. He pulled out the phone book and looked up Dr. Huggins. Her home number was not in the white pages, but he could understand having that number unlisted. However he didn't find her in the yellow pages under psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor. Checking the business section, he discovered she wasn't listed there either.

On the drive into work the idea struck him that the show might not be local and that was why he couldn't find her in his area phone book. Placing a call to the station, a recording instructed him to call between the business hours of 8am to 5pm.

At his desk with his third cup of coffee in his hand, AJ called the radio station just after 0800 EST. He was informed that the show was local, but his follow up questions about Dr. Huggins herself got him transferred to the station manager Tim James. "What can I help you with Sir?" he asked.

"I've been listening to your late night call in show and was just curious about Dr. Huggins' qualification?"

"She's a licensed physiatrist and had her own practice for several years."

"I looked in the phone book for her office, but couldn't find it."

"She no longer has a private practice although she keeps her license updated to work here."

"Why doesn't she have a private practice any longer?" AJ asked him.

"That is not for me to say, Sir. Thank you for listening and calling KYJM," Mr. James said and hung up.

"In other words 'you know and just aren't saying'!" AJ muttered as he hung up as well and tried to focus on the work on his desk.

To be continued…


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

No one at work understood the change in the Admiral's mood that day. After the incident with Ms. Cavanaugh the day before, they all thought his mood would be worse, not better. When Meredith had left, looking like she was about to cry, Mac had discreetly passed the word that the engagement was off. They all seemed disappointed that Mac didn't know the reason.

However, none of that explained why the Admiral seemed angry, but distracted at the same time. He wasn't grumbling or snapping at the staff as he had been for the last week, but he was going around with double creases between his brows. Everyone was concerned about him, they were after all like a family there at JAG and the Admiral was the head of this family. But they would just have to continue to wonder because the man in question wasn't talking.

Even though AJ's routine had been long established, he had decided to make a change. He knew that at his age, he needed more sleep than he was getting to function so instead of his normal routine; he came home, ate dinner, watched the early news, and went to bed. Setting his alarm for 2345 EST he got up and scanned through the headline news and sports sections of the paper instead of reading the whole thing. At 2400 hours he tuned in Luna's talk show.

She sounded better tonight than she had the night before. The wistfulness was gone from her voice. He waited to call till just before her show was over in the hopes that she would stay and talk to him like she had last night.

Luna saw the incoming call from Bert of Falls Church and extended the call she was on so she didn't have to take his. Zack, who took the calls, gave her an odd look through the window, Luna just shrugged and gave him a half smile. Zack in turn, opened the line to 'Bert' and apologized that Dr. Huggins hadn't been able to take his call.

AJ had been listening to the show and knew just what she had been doing. He didn't know whether to be upset or hurt that she had avoided him. He did however wonder if it would be an ongoing thing, or if she just hadn't wanted to talk off the air with him. AJ decided to call early the next night and see how she would handle that.

Luna avoided his calls for the next three nights. She knew she had crossed the professional barrier between patient and doctor and even though most people didn't consider what she did in that light, she did. She shouldn't have shared the things she had with Bert, but he was just so comforting and understanding to talk to. She had wanted to share even more than she had and that was why she was avoiding his calls. Luna knew she couldn't afford to let someone affect her like that.

It was on the fourth night after they'd spoken that when his call came through, she knew he wasn't going to give up. So she nodded to Zack that she would take the call. "Hello Bert from Falls Church. How are you tonight?" Luna greeted him.

"Things are getting better and I'm finally able to get some sleep," he replied, happy that she took his call.

"How are you sleeping and still listening to the show?"

"I made a change in my schedule and it seems to be working."

"Well it's nice to know we have another loyal listener. Thank you for calling, Bert."

"Actually I did have a question for you," he stopped her from ending the call.

Trying not to let her sigh be heard, Luna asked, "And what would that be, Bert?"

"A friend gave me some very good advice, but she doesn't seem willing to follow her own recommendation."

"A friend, Bert?" she asked, knowing he meant her.

"Yes, someone I like and respect," AJ assured her.

"Maybe she can't follow it."

"But what would stop her from letting herself be open to love coming into her life?"

Knowing he wouldn't stop till he had a good reason from her, Luna knew they would have to talk 'off the air' again. "Maybe you should ask her that question yourself. Why don't you call her later?"

Understanding what she meant, AJ said, "I think that's a good idea. Thank you, doctor."

"Thank you for calling, Bert. I hope you get the answer you are seeking."

"I hope so too," he answered softly, and ended the call.

To be continued…


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

On the dot of 0400, he placed his call to the station just as Luna signed off for the show. Zack took his call as usual and he was asked to hold on for just a minute. AJ agreed and very shortly Luna's voice came across the line. "Hello, Bert."

AJ felt guilty for the lie about his name, but how could he tell her the truth now without looking like a liar? When he'd hesitated before speaking, she started to speak again, actually they both started at the same time…

"Bert, I'm sorry for…"

"Luna, I shouldn't have…"

With a laugh on both ends of the line they began again…

"Sorry, you go…" she said.

"I didn't mean to interrupt…" he said.

Both laughed again and AJ settled the matter, "Luna, there's no reason for you to be sorry. I shouldn't have jumped you the way I did and I'm sorry."

"I was apologizing for avoiding your calls. That was very unprofessional of me."

"You don't have to be professional with me. I was hoping we could be friends instead."

"Well, it wasn't very friendly of me either. I should never have brought up that subject. It was a very dark time in my life and I still have demons to deal with about it."

"I'm glad you did. It sounds like the pain is still there and that you could use a friend that's willing to listen without jumping to conclusions. If you'd let me, I'd like to be there for you."

"Bert, you have enough on your plate right now without dealing with my problems."

"Oh come on now, you have to know that focusing on someone else's troubles helps get your mind off of your own. Please let me help, Luna. Maybe we could meet somewhere and have coffee and talk?"

"No!" she exclaimed more forcefully than she'd intended. "I'm sorry, Bert, meeting won't work, but I do enjoy talking to you and would like for you to call back. However I do have a doc…an appointment tomorrow…well later this morning, so I need to get home now and sleep fast."

He laughed, and asked, "Sleep fast?"

"Yes, you get more sleep in that way. Didn't you know?" she asked laughing as well.

Still chuckling, he said, "No I didn't. I'll have to try it some time."

"Yes you will. Good…morning, Bert."

"Good morning to you too, Luna. I'll talk to you soon."

"Good," she answered and ended the call with a smile. Getting up from her chair, she saw Zack giving her a knowing glance. "What?" she asked.

"I don't think I've ever seen that look in your eyes before, Luna."

"What look?"

"That 'interested in a man' look," he told her.

"That's crazy!" she retorted.

"What's so crazy about it? The two of you like each other. Meet him for a drink, fall in love, get married, or just have a wild and crazy fling with him!"

"That's not going to happen and you know it!" she snapped.

"Why ever not?"

"Because he'll get one look at me and take off running. You've gotten used to how I look over the years, but I remember your first reaction."

"Hey! I was a shallow kid then!" he protested.

"Nonetheless, I work this shift on the radio for a reason! Now, I'm going home," she sighed. "Maybe it's time to get a cat."

Another new routine was formed with AJ calling in on the average of three nights a week. He would always call just as her show was ending and they would talk anywhere from thirty minutes to one memorable morning when he realized that he would be late for work if he didn't hang up!

Mid April, 2003

It was now spring and everything was in bloom. AJ loved this time of the year and his yard showed it. Flowers were coming up all over and soon the house would be filled with the scents of lilacs. He'd planted bushes of them on each side of the house so no matter which way the wind blew, it would carry the heady aroma in.

Dammit also seemed to know it was spring and her thoughts had definitely turned to thoughts of love…or lust anyway. Doggie lust. AJ tried to keep her in the house as much as possible; he didn't want to deal with puppies. However, she was determined to get out at every chance she got and would howl when she was locked in. He shared the story with Luna and she couldn't stop laughing.

To be continued…


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

AJ found himself sharing pretty much everything going on in his life with Luna and his greatest reward was when he could make her laugh. He had suggested that they meet in person a couple more times over the past several weeks, but her answer was always the same. A firm 'no'.

The one other thing that he noticed in the course of their conversations was that whenever she did share things about her life, it was always little stories about something that happened at the station or from her distant past. It seemed as if she had no life since she lost the baby and her divorce. AJ had been able to work out that the two events had happened at about the same time and he was very afraid that she had been hiding from life ever since.

During one of their conversations she had casually mentioned that she had a birthday coming up and when AJ pressed her for the exact date she had told him. Once again he asked if she would agree to meet him in a public place so he could treat her to a birthday dinner. She again turned him down. So instead he sent a large bouquet of spring flowers to her at the station.

The next time AJ called she thanked him sweetly for the flowers and told him that they had really brightened her day. She even admitted that she had wanted to call him and thank him as soon as she'd gotten them. He was pleased. This was the first time that she'd said anything at all about wanting to be the one to contact him. Always before, he was the one to do the calling.

AJ told her that he would be glad to hear from her any time she wanted to talk to him. He gave her his cell phone number and told her to call whenever she liked.

"I know you work Bert, so I'll be sure to call in the evenings when you're home. I wouldn't want to catch you in court!"

"I'm never in court anymore Luna, I oversee an office of lawyers. All I do is hand out cases and boring paperwork."

"You sound like you miss the action Bert."

AJ's mind flew to all the 'action' he'd seen since taking over as JAG. Heading to Russia to bring back Mac and Harm. Italy to rescue both Tim Fawks and on a different trip to save his own daughter from her mafia lover who ended up shooting him. Nearly running out of air while diving in a ship to save Harm and his prisoner. Losing Laura to a psycho from his past that had been trying to kill him. Working with Mac to rescue Josh Pendry. Ejecting from a plane and nearly freezing to death…if she only knew what kind of 'action' he really saw, she'd flip!

Did he miss it? Some days yes and some days he was happy to just have the memories to look back on. "No, I don't really miss the action, Luna. In fact these days I'm think more along the lines of retiring."

"Retiring? You sound much too young for that, Bert."

"I'll be fifty-six in June, no spring chicken any longer," he admitted.

"That's not that old, Bert. Not if you're fit and healthy. From all your talk about the running you do, you certainly are."

"I do try and stay active. My job is behind a desk these days so in addition to running, I do my own yard work."

"I was surprised that after I told you about my birthday that you didn't ask my age, and more so after you sent the flowers."

"A gentleman doesn't ask a lady her age."

"Are you a gentleman, Bert?" she asked, with a musical laugh.

"I try to be," he responded with a chuckle.

"So you're not curious?"

"I am, but if you want me to know, I figure that you'll tell me."

"You really are a gentleman, Bert. I just turned forty."

"Oh dear, the big four O. Was that traumatic for you?"

To be continued…


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"No, I had a lovely bouquet of flowers to cheer me up. However, you did have the station buzzing because they arrived during normal business hours and I don't get in till 11:30 to set up for the show," Luna told him.

"Why buzzing? Didn't they know it was your birthday?" AJ asked.

"No, only Zack did, and he only does because we've working together over three years now."

"I'm sorry if I caused any problems for you, Luna, that was never my intention."

"You didn't, Bert, but thank you for your concern. And I did love the flowers."

"I'm glad. I just wish you'd let me take you out to dinner. I am a gentleman after all. You said so yourself."

"Please accept that I have my reasons for us not meeting face-to-face, Bert, and respect that."

AJ thought it a bit unusual that she had said 'face to face' instead of 'in person', but then wrote it off as possibly a regional colloquialism. "I might be able to do that if I understood what those reasons were," he admitted with a frustrated sigh.

"My reasons are personal, Bert," she stated with finality in her tone.

"Alright, Luna, whenever you're ready to tell me, I'll be here and you have my cell phone number now so you can call anytime you like."

Thursday, April 21, 2003

1000 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

After once again exhausting all of the normal means of finding a person, AJ thought about some of his other options, but knew that he couldn't call on some of those for personal favors. It was just so frustrating not knowing the reason that Luna didn't want them to meet. They really seemed to have formed a connection during the course of their conversations. However he also knew that if and when they did finally meet in person, he was going to have to come clean about his real name and then tell her the reasons that he had used a semi-alias.

AJ's mood and attitude at work had changed dramatically in the weeks after his broken engagement. He seemed to be back to his normal self and there were even days he'd actually been seen smiling for no apparent reason. But today his mind was definitely elsewhere. He had to be brought back from wherever his mind had wandered to twice during the morning staff meeting. His staff was once again concerned about what was going on in his life that would be affecting him this way.

After he'd dismissed everyone and the room began to clear, Mac hung back to ask him, "Are you alright, Sir? You seemed a bit distracted today."

"I'm sorry, Colonel, I'm just having trouble locating someone and it's frustrating."

Lieutenant Bud Roberts, who was still gathering up his notes from the meeting, had heard this interchange and wanted to see if he could assist his CO. He always wanted to find ways to help the Admiral whenever he could. "Who would that be, Sir?" Bud asked.

Knowing of Bud's computer expertise, AJ thought maybe he might be of help in locating Luna. But he would have to let Bud know it was a personal matter and not a JAG one. "Dr. Luna Huggins…"

Bud interrupted him to ask, "Oh, is she in trouble again, Sir?"

AJ's eyes flew to Bud and he demanded, "What do you mean?"

"She was my first case when I got here to JAG. I forgot that you were out of town then, Sir. It was a messy case, very sad."

"What happened?" AJ questioned.

To be continued…


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Well, she was pregnant and out buying crystal meth-amphetamine when the place she was buying from blew up. It turned out to be an actual lab. Luckily she was outside and wasn't killed. The seven people inside weren't so lucky. Anyway, Dr. Huggins was in a coma and her husband sued for divorce," Bud told AJ.

"That must have been when she lost the baby," AJ guessed out loud.

"Well, I guess if by lost, you meant her husband got full custody…" Bud replied.

"So her husband divorced her while she was in a coma and got custody of the baby?"

"Yes, he testified that he had begged her over and over to quit and the night she went out he had even tried to hide her keys, but she just wouldn't listen."

"Bud, are you sure about this?" AJ asked, not able to reconcile the woman he'd come to know through their calls, with the picture Bud was painting.

"Yes, Sir, I can get the case file if you'd like to see it," Bud offered.

"So her husband was in the Service?"

"Yes Sir, in the Navy. Captain Frank Huggins."

"I remember him!" Mac offered and both men turned to face her, they had forgotten she was still in the room. "Singer was his counsel and I was here when he came in for a meeting. There was something about him that just seemed off."

"How so, Colonel?" AJ questioned.

"I can't say, Sir, all I remember is when I met him, he made my skin crawl."

Not knowing what to say to that, Bud offered, "I'll get that file for you, Sir."

As he left the conference room, Mac asked, "Why were you looking for Dr. Huggins, Sir?"

"It's a personal matter, Colonel," he answered without really answering at all and followed Bud from the room.

Mac was even more concerned now. After having gotten the real story of what happened in the broken engagement from Meredith, Mac didn't want to see the Admiral, whom she admired a great deal, get involved with another inappropriate woman. After Meredith's revelation, Mac had broken off her friendship with the older woman. Even though Mac had made her share of mistakes in the past, and she could understand what fear and confusion could lead someone to do, she still couldn't remain friends with someone who could hurt the man she looked up to, as almost a father figure, the way Meredith had.

AJ caught up to Bud in the file room and was about to tell him that he was looking for Luna on a personal level, which had nothing to do with her JAG case, but before he could speak, Bud pulled a thick file from the drawer and handed it to him, saying, "Here it is, Sir, was there anything else I could help you with?"

Looking down at the file in his hands, AJ admitted that he was curious. He wouldn't be human if he wasn't, right? He reasoned internally. Raising his eyes to meet Bud's, he asked, "I don't suppose you could get me a current address on her could you, Lieutenant?"

"That shouldn't be a problem, Sir. I'll get right on it."

Taking the file to his office, he placed it on his desk and stood staring out his window. Would it be fair to read that file on her personal life when he hadn't even been completely honest about his own name? Hell no it wouldn't! But that also didn't stop him from wanting to know what was in there. Had she meant 'lost the baby' like Bud had thought, as in losing custody? But she had said 'lost the child she was carrying' as if she had miscarried.

Not only that question preyed on his mind. The picture that Bud had painted of a woman so in need of a fix that she would go out to buy drugs when she was only two weeks from her due date, would not reconcile with the woman he'd come to know. With a curse under his breath, AJ left the window, sat down at his desk, and opened the file.

To be continued…


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

AJ read the file over, cover to cover, it told of a very dark time in Luna's past. It was all there, just as Bud had said, but somehow AJ just couldn't believe it to be true. He couldn't connect the woman he'd come to know with the one this file dealt with. She was such a kind and understanding woman, one who valued life, not one that would take such chances with her own life let alone the life of an unborn child's. Even if she had made a major change in her life from this incident, wouldn't something of this story come out in their conversations? He hadn't kept some of the darker parts of his past from her, even if he might have glossed over the more gruesome details. But wouldn't that have given her a chance to tell him some of her own problems?

But then again, look at the great judge of character he had been when it came to Meredith, or Sydney Walden, for that matter! She had chosen to believe her lying, cheating son over him! So maybe Luna had him completely fooled, but he just couldn't, or at the very least, didn't want, to believe it.

Bud came in a short time later with a current address for Dr. Huggins. AJ thanked him and returned the file to him.

"Did you find what you needed, Sir?" Bud asked.

Although he wanted to say 'more than I wanted', he knew that would raise more questions than he wanted to answer, so instead he simply said, "Yes, thank you, Bud. Dismissed."

Luna wasn't having a very good day. She felt bad for having to turn Bert down when he asked her out, he sounded like such a nice man. 'Yes, but so did Frank when you first met him, and look how that turned out!' she told herself. After staying late at work to talk with Bert on the phone, even though every time she did, she got sly looks from Zack, she just enjoyed their conversations so much. But when she did that it cut into her sleep time. Also, because she tried to do all of her shopping while the stores were pretty empty, she had to plan her shopping trips better.

She hadn't been expecting Bert to call tonight, since he had last night, she'd planned to stop at the all night grocery store on her way home. His call put her out of work much later that usual and now the store would be filling up with early morning shoppers. Instead of stopping on her way home, Luna decided that she would go when she woke up. Another slow business time for shoppers was the dinner hour. She would go then.

The problem with that plan was that she had nothing to eat at the apartment, and she was starving, she always was when she got off work. Today was even worse because Bert had been telling her about a new pasta recipe he had gotten from his daughter Francesca. She decided to stop at McDonalds' drive-thru and get some breakfast.

Keeping her face turned away from the person at the pick-up window, she pulled her money out of her purse. Unfortunately, there was no way she could hand it to him without turning to make sure she got the money into his hand. When she turned to face him, she saw the disgust and revulsion in the pimply-faced teen's eyes. Quickly taking her food and ignoring her change, she pulled away from the window with tears in her eyes.

It was always the same! That was why she didn't want to meet Bert face to face. She knew that if she told him, he would assure her it was okay, until he saw her! Luna couldn't bear to see the look in his eyes that she has just seen in the teens, so she knew that they couldn't meet.

She couldn't sleep when she finally got home and into bed. Every time she closed her eyes, the face of the boy at McDonalds was there. Bert had given her his age, and she knew he was fit and active, he'd also said he was bald in one of their conversations, so every time she imagined what he looked like she thought of Patrick Stewart from Star Trek. Even though she didn't really know what Bert looked like, she still could picture the look in his eyes if he ever saw her. It would be the one she couldn't get out of her mind now.

To be continued…


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

AJ's mind was still fighting the battle of how the Mrs. Frank Huggins of the JAG file, could be the Dr. Luna Huggins that he'd come to know and like, when it was time for him to leave work for the day. How could the sweet caring Luna have been a callous drug addict? How could the person that offered sound sage advice be the woman that put her unborn child at such a risk? Could an event like the explosion and coma have changed her that much? But why would she have said 'lost the baby' instead of saying that her husband got custody in the divorce? Did she think that he would think badly of her? Or could it be a coping mechanism? If she wasn't allowed to see the baby, could she have denied it's very existence? Even to herself? Rather than face the fact that she had a child out there somewhere that she would never know?

No matter how many times he turned it over in his mind, he just couldn't come up with an answer that would satisfy him. So, as he saw it, there was only one alternative. He was going to have to follow Luna's own advice from when he wanted to know Meredith's motive. He was going to have to ask Luna these questions. AJ only hoped that his discovery of her past and asking her about it wouldn't lose him her friendship.

AJ had just come to that decision when his eyes widened in horror and he slammed on the brakes of the Escalade.

With the grocery list that she always wrote out to the store's floor plan so she could get in and out as quickly as possible, in her hand, Luna set out for the store. She was so worried about how many people might be in the store to see her that she almost didn't see the car in time. The red SUV that ran the red light clipped the white van in the lane to her right, flipping it on to it's side and sending it into her lane. Luna swerved left to avoid the van, right into the oncoming beige sedan.

AJ saw the red SUV run the stoplight as it came speeding towards him. His mind was processing so many things all at once that he almost failed to stop himself. He mentally filed the SUV's license plate number away as he slammed on his brakes and yanked out his cell phone.

He could do nothing but watch as the van was flipped on to it's side and went skidding into the path of a late model Chevy Impala. The Impala swerved to avoid being sideswiped, but unfortunately the only place to go was into the oncoming traffic lanes. The beige sedan had no time to stop and hit the Impala head on.

Before all the cars had come to a metal-grating stop AJ was out of the Escalade and already dialing 911. He explained who he was, described the crash and where it was, and informed the operator he was going to begin to aid the drivers. AJ gave the info on the red SUV almost as an afterthought as he raced towards the cars.

He was closest to the beige sedan, so stopped there to check on the male driver. The man was conscious and alert; it seemed the airbag had saved him from serious injury. AJ opened the door and discovered, as the driver tried to get out, that his right leg was broken. Telling him to stay where he was, AJ added that he needed to check on the other vehicles.

The woman in the Impala was slumped over the wheel and looked to be unconscious as he hurried to her side. Opening the door took some major effort because of the bent and crumpled front end of the car. When he managed to get it open he saw that she wasn't bent over the wheel as he had thought. The damage to the front end of the car had caused the steering wheel to be pushed up against her.

Gently lifting her head, he saw that her forehead had to have come into contact with the steering wheel. Either the car was too old for airbags or it hadn't worked. The movement caused the woman to moan and start to come around. AJ told her, "I don't want you to move, you've hit your head."

He was pulling his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away the blood and see the extent of the injury when the woman questioned, "Bert?"

To be continued…


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"No, my name is…Luna?" he asked, as suddenly it hit him where he knew that sultry voice from.

"No, my name is Luna. You're Bert," she said opening her eyes and looking up at the concerned face of the man who was so close to her. "God you're gorgeous!" she added, not realizing that she'd said the last part out loud. Then, as it suddenly hit her that if she could see him, he had to be able to see her too, she struggled to turn from him so he wouldn't see the scars that had caused revulsion in so many people. She found she couldn't get away from him though; she was pinned in place by the steering wheel pressing against her chest.

Placing his hand on her right cheek, right over one of her scars, he gently pulled her head back and said, "Luna, you need to let me wipe this blood away so I can see how bad the wound is."

"Oh Bert, please go away! I don't want you to look at me!" she gasped because it was hard to breath.

"It's hard to treat this wound if I don't look at what I'm doing," he told her softly.

With a resigned sigh, she let him wipe the blood away while she stared anywhere but his face. She didn't want to see the look in his eyes when he finally saw the scars. That was when she noticed his uniform. She'd been married to Frank long enough to know the insignia of an Admiral when she saw one.

"This doesn't look too bad, Luna, I think it's safe to move you. Can you get out of the car?"

She tried to move, but only her arms and legs would, the rest of her was firmly held in place by the steering wheel. "I can't," she told him.

"Alright then, we'll just have to wait for the rescue unit to get here, they will have tools to get you out. Luna, I don't want to leave you, but I need to check the other vehicles for injured people. Will you be alright?"

"Sure, go ahead, every one leaves me once they see the scars," she whispered sadly.

Knowing he would need to dispel that belief as soon as possible, AJ still couldn't take the time to do it at the expense of people that could be badly hurt. Telling her, "I will be back, Luna," he hurried over to the van.

Two women were in the van; the one on the passenger side was struggling to get out of her seatbelt when AJ climbed up onto it. He pulled the door open and reached in to help the woman, who was about his age, out. She was crying and pleading with him to help her daughter and grandson, who were still in the vehicle. AJ told her he would as he helped her down from the overturned van.

Luna watched Bert climb into the van knowing this would be the one and only time she saw him. She knew that after today he might not even call into the show again. Even though he couldn't see her scars talking on the phone, he would now always be able to picture them.

She found herself thinking that Bert was even more handsome than she had ever imagined. Patrick Stewart had nothing on Bert! Maybe if he had been really old looking or ugly…them maybe they could have had a chance, but who was she kidding? Nothing could counter her scars and just as every one else had, he'd gone running off as soon as he saw them. Oh sure, he'd used the other injured people as an excuse, but he'd still gone! And yes, he said he'd be back, but he wasn't yet. 'Now you're just being unreasonable Luna Huggins! He's out there helping people, probably saving lives! And here you are bemoaning the loss of someone you never even had! Grow up!'

To be continued…


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Assessing the injuries he could see on the driver of the van, AJ knew she needed immediate attention. The crying baby in the sideways car seat appeared unhurt, just frightened from what had happened. He heard the siren of an ambulance approaching and glanced at his watch in amazement. It had been less than seven minutes since his call. Glancing out the windshield of the van he saw the ambulance pull to a stop and the driver get out. Calling out to the man, AJ motioned him over. "We need to get this woman out of here, probably through the windshield would be best. I can cover her from the broken glass while you do that."

"We weren't responding to this call Sir, we have a passenger!" the driver exclaimed. "But I couldn't just not stop."

"Is your passenger stable?"

"Yes, we have a woman in labor," the driver replied.

AJ sighed and said the words he hated to, "I've delivered babies before, there are people here that need immediate care, starting with this woman."

The driver hurried back to the ambulance and came back with a tire iron and the other EMT. AJ covered the unconscious woman with his body as they broke the windshield. When it was safe to, he reached out and cut her seatbelt off of her with his pocketknife. He gently slid her into his arms and as carefully as possible passed her into the hands of the waiting EMT's.

As the two began treating the woman, AJ crawled back into the van and freed the crying little boy. AJ guessed him to be between ten months and a year old as he checked him over for broken bones or injuries. Almost as soon as he was free from his car seat, the baby stopped crying and when he saw his grandmother, he reached out his arms for her. AJ handed him over, assuring her that he was all right. As she sobbed out her thanks, she couldn't take her eyes off her daughter on the stretcher.

Informing the EMT's of the driver with the broken leg and then Luna's condition, but he added that they would need the jaws-of-life to get her out. They had just started putting the injured in the ambulance when the rescue team that had been dispatched at AJ's call arrived. AJ was glad he wouldn't be left to deliver another baby, this time on the side of the road!

He moved back to Luna's car, not aware that she had seen all he'd done. Kneeling down next to her, he softly said her name. Even before she turned to look at him, he could see that there were tears on her cheek. "Luna, are you in pain?"

"Not really, it's just a bit hard to breath," she answered.

"Then why are you crying, my dear?"

"Because I saw what you did out there, and you're a hero as well as being kind and thoughtful and handsome!"

With a bewildered chuckle he asked, "And why would that make you cry?"

"Because, that will just make it all the harder when you stop calling me!"

"Luna, the only reason I would stop calling you, was if there was no reason to," AJ assured her.

She didn't have time to ask him what he meant by that because the rescue crew approached the car and AJ had to move aside so they could free her. It didn't take long once they started, but because AJ had been the one to call in the accident report as well as the information on the red SUV, he was busy giving his statement when they loaded Luna into an ambulance along with the pregnant woman and whisked them away.

By the time he was allowed to leave the scene it was already getting dark. His uniform was filthy as well as having several bloodstains on it. His dry cleaner was going to love this! Not wanting to make the long trip home to change clothes before going to the hospital to see Luna, he pulled up at a gas station. Taking the emergency bag he kept in the Escalade into the washroom, he changed clothes. Stopping at the hospital gift shop for flowers because it was the only place open at that hour, AJ was not impressed with the selection they had. In the end he chose a bouquet of red carnations, which he knew meant 'admiration' and headed to her room.

The nurse at the desk told him that visiting hours were over in just thirty minutes, so he couldn't stay long. Giving her his best smile, AJ promised her he wouldn't.

To be continued…


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

AJ's smile disappeared as he walked down the hall to Luna's room; he was worried. Not about how he would deal with her scars, but instead, about how he would convince her that they didn't matter to him. It had been a very long time since he'd tried a case in court and because of that, a long time since he'd tried to sway someone's opinion. It would have been a lot simpler if he could just be 'the Admiral' and order her to do what he wanted…in this case, to believe him. But she wasn't in the Navy so that wouldn't be happening. In fact because her husband had been in the Navy and had divorced her while she was in a coma, taking her child away from her, AJ's being in the Navy might work against him.

As he pushed open the door he reminded himself that he needed to find out if Luna believed her child was dead or just out of contact with her.

Luna looked up when the door opened thinking it would be another nurse to needlessly check on her yet again. She'd tried to assure the doctor that she was fine since she was now free of the car. But he'd wanted to keep her overnight for observation since Bert had informed the EMT's that she'd briefly lost consciousness when she hit her head. But it wasn't a nurse standing there, it was Bert, and he had flowers. "Hello," she said softly, turning her face away from him.

"Hello, Luna, how are you?"

"I'm fine. In fact I should be home, but they seem to think they need to keep me overnight for 'observation'. I didn't think you'd come."

"After all the times I tried to get you to meet with me and now that we have, why wouldn't you?"

"Because people are repulsed by my scars," she stated flatly. Not giving him a chance to try and deny it, she changed the subject, "I didn't know you were in the Navy."

"I'm sorry about that. When I first started calling in, I didn't know if anyone on my staff listened to your show, so I tried not to reveal my true identity."

"So Bert isn't really your name?" she asked.

"Well a form of it, but I go by AJ. My name is Albert Jethro Chegwidden."

"Admiral Albert Jethro Chegwidden."

"Yes, but you can call me AJ," he told her putting the flowers down on her bedside table.

"They told me that the man with the broken leg had it set and went home, the grandmother and baby are fine and the driver's shoulder was really messed up, but that with some reconstructive surgery she should be okay too. Oh and the girl in the ambulance with me had a girl, they are both doing well."

"So we're going to talk about every one but you, Luna?"

"Unless I die before morning, I can go home then," she tried to joke.

"May I sit down?" he asked.

She really didn't know why he'd come or why he wanted to stay now that he was here. After all, he'd eased his mind, or conscience, by showing up and even bringing flowers, so why was he staying? Maybe if she let him sit, she would find out. Nodding, without looking at him, Luna was surprised when she felt the bed shift under his weight. Her head snapped around and, sure enough, she found him sitting on the edge of her bed. "Why are you here, Be…AJ?"

"In the interest of being honest with you, like telling you my real name, I should also tell you I work in Falls Church, but I live in McLean. I also need to tell you that I've been trying to find you, because I wanted to meet you. I asked one of my lawyers, who's a whiz with computers, if he could help me and he remembered your name..."

"Why would he have remembered my name?" she jumped in.

"He was one of the lawyers involved in your divorce."

"I see," was all she would say, not meeting his eyes.

"Will you tell me what happened that night, Luna?"

"You didn't read the file?"

"I did, but I never saw a statement from you in there. It said you refused to give one."

"What good would it have done? It was weeks after the divorce was final so it wouldn't have changed anything, or brought my baby back."

"I want to hear it, Luna. Please tell me what really happened."

"How do you know what Frank said isn't what really happened?"

"Because, the person that I've come to know couldn't have done the things in that file."

"You don't know me!" she protested.

To be continued…


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Yes I do," AJ insisted. "I know that you're kind, thoughtful, and caring. I know that even though you've hidden from the world, you're still so willing to help others that you sought out a job where you could do that and still remain hidden. You still mourn the loss of your child, and I'm not sure if you do the same about your husband, but I would lay odds that you haven't dated since the divorce. How am I doing so far?"

"Who in the world would want to date me looking the way that I do?" Luna demanded.

"I'll be glad to answer your question as soon as you've answered both of mine," he told her.

"Both?"

"Yes, answer the second first please…was my assessment of you right? In other words, do I know you?"

"All right…yes I guess so," she responded.

"Good, and the first question was, what happened that night?"

She hesitated for a few seconds and then started, "Frank had recently gotten a promotion to Captain and he started talking about us having a baby. My practice was going well, but there was something just a little 'off' at home. At first I wondered if he was having an affair, but then I reasoned that you don't want to have a baby if you're seeing someone else, or planning on leaving, so I went off the pill. Less than a year later, I was on maternity leave and just two weeks from my due date."

Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Late one night, I got a call from one of my patients; she was in trouble and wanted my help. Her boyfriend had taken her along with him when he went to buy drugs and she told me that she didn't know that's what he was doing. She was calling me to come and pick her up, she wanted to leave, but her boyfriend wanted to stay and 'test' the merchandise. I told her I would come and get her. Frank tried to talk me out of it, saying I was on maternity leave and should let someone else handle it. I should have listened to him, but I reasoned that all I was doing was driving over there to pick her up. She agreed to wait for me outside even though it was winter."

Luna took a shaky breath before she went on, "When I got there, Peggy wasn't outside waiting for me. I gave her a few minutes and then got out of the car to go looking for her. As I approached the building, I could hear arguing even though the windows and doors were closed. I saw some kind of flash and then next thing I knew the building literally blew up in my face. When I woke up it was summer and Frank and the baby were gone."

"Gone?" AJ questioned softly.

"I was in a long term care facility when I came out of the coma. They told me that I'd been transferred there when I didn't come around after a month. The aids all looked on me like I was a leper. They'd been told I had been buying drugs for myself. My initial injuries were pretty extensive and at the hospital they'd been worried about trauma to the baby. I was told they did a cesarean, but…" she paused as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"But what, Luna?"

"But my son was stillborn," she gasped before going on, "Frank divorced me because I'd killed our baby. I never saw him again."

"Now _that_ I believe! Why wouldn't you tell that to someone?" he asked.

"What would it have mattered, AJ? It wouldn't have brought either of them back and honestly if Frank either told them those lies about me or just let them believe them, then I didn't really want him back anyway!" she declared just as the lights in the room flashed and the end of visiting hours were announced.

AJ got to his feet and asked, "Are you going to give me your address so I can come by and see you tomorrow, or do I need to look in your file for it?" He knew her address wasn't there, but he wanted her to volunteer the information.

"My address isn't there. We lived on base then and I'm in an apartment now."

"So are you going to tell me where?"

"Why, AJ? You've done your duty by me. I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity, Luna, and the why, is so I can answer your question because I don't have time now."

"I already know the answer, you don't have to…"

"Luna!"

"Oh, all right!" she huffed and rattled off the address Bud had given him that morning.

AJ leaned over and placed a kiss on her bandaged forehead and said, "I'll see you tomorrow, but the answer is…me."

To be continued…


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Friday, April 22, 2003

0800 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Sitting down at his desk, AJ called the florist and ordered a bouquet of blue Salvias delivered to Luna's house. He wanted her to know that he was thinking of her, which was message that the flowers were meant to convey.

AJ had Coates send Lieutenant Roberts into his office before the staff meeting. When he arrived, AJ told him, "Lieutenant, I want you to locate Captain Huggins and the boy."

"May I ask what this is about, Sir?"

"Yes, I recently met Dr. Huggins and found that she has a vastly different story of what happened the night of the explosion. She was also told that her child was stillborn."

Bud went pale when he heard that and only the years of military training kept him on his feet rather than sinking into the chair behind him.

"Find him, Lieutenant, and I will have charges drawn up against him."

"Sir, might I have the case? If this is true, I feel I did Dr. Huggins a disservice at her hearing."

"I was hoping you'd want the job, Bud. Yes, it's yours."

"Thank you, Sir!"

"No problem, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

During the staff meeting AJ informed them of the charges being brought against Captain Huggins. He would be charged with conduct unbecoming, custodial interference, and perjury.

AJ worked through lunch to be sure that he could leave at a reasonable hour that night. He was planning on showing up at Luna's apartment with a meal, but was having trouble deciding what would work since it would be dinner for him and breakfast for her. Over the weeks they had been talking on the phone, AJ had learned that her routine was to go home after getting off at the station and have dinner, even though it was 5am. Then she would head to bed and get up for breakfast when most people were getting off work for the day. She would clean her apartment or watch TV for a few hours and then head off to work after most people had already been in bed for hours.

After some careful thought he called Linlainu's Market and had them hold one of their fabulous ham and cheese quiches for him. Having brought a change of clothes with him to work, AJ stunned the staff when he left that day dressed in jeans and a hunter green polo shirt. He picked up the quiche and some rocky-road ice cream, which Luna had said, was her favorite, during one of their conversations.

Dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, Luna went to the door; she was surprised to see AJ there, even though he'd told her he would come by. The flowers had arrived that afternoon with a card that said, "I'll see you at 6:00 and I'll bring breakfast/dinner" should have reminded her of Bert's…no AJ's persistence. "Hi," was all she could think of by way of greeting.

"Hi, yourself," he responded with a smile. "I brought food…may I come in?"

"AJ, why are you doing this?" she asked as she stepped back to allow him to enter the apartment.

"Because I was under the impression we'd made a connection during our weeks of conversations. Was I wrong?" he questioned, as he put the quiche on the table and the ice cream in the freezer for later.

He watched her get out plates and silverware as she tried to think of what to say. When the table was set, she looked at him and admitted, "No, we did, but that was before you saw me."

"And you really think that would change things?"

"All I know, is my scars have repulsed every one else," she said as they sat down.

"Well, I'm not every one else, and I'm insulted that you think I'm that shallow. Luna, you are such a wonderful person on the inside that it wouldn't matter to me what your outside was like at all. Now, that being said, I have to add that the scars that are visible are not as horrible as you seem to think they are..."

She tried to interrupt him, "Then why…" but he put a shushing finger over her lips.

"If you keep interrupting me, I might have to take drastic measures…" he warned.

To be continued…


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

While AJ's words held a warning, his eyes held a promise. Wondering what he would do, Luna bravely taunted, "Like what?"

Glad they were at right angles to each other, rather than having the square table between them, AJ removed his finger from her lips and covered them lightly with his. Her gasp was captured by the unexpected kiss. Luna wasn't quite sure what to do. She hadn't been kissed since before the explosion and had never thought she would be again.

With a sigh, she melted into the tender kiss, determined to take as much pleasure as she could from an experience she was sure would be a one-time thing.

When he lifted his head, AJ stared into her bemused face and asked, "So are you going to keep interrupting me?"

She couldn't believe what he was implying! That if she did keep interrupting him, he would keep kissing her! She just had to know if he really meant it, "I just might," she offered.

"Then I think it would be more comfortable for both of us if you were over here." He gently tugged her out of her chair and guided her back down onto his lap. To say Luna was startled was an understatement. "So, as I was saying…the way you wear your hair covers most of the scars." He reached out to gently brush back the hair that she'd had styled to cover her right cheek and the side of her neck where the burns from the explosion were still in evidence. Caressing her cheek, he ran his thumb lightly over the scars. "It looks like you've had some reconstructive surgery done. Do the scars still hurt?" he asked softly.

"Not any more, and I've had seven surgeries in all. After I came out of the coma, it was much worse originally. The doctors said it was unusual that I didn't try and cover my face when I saw the explosion, but I tried to protect the baby instead. I only turned away as fast as I could and that's why just one side of my face got so badly damaged. But it didn't do any good, I lost the baby anyway," she said with a sad sigh. Luna had cried herself out over the loss of that tiny life she'd never had the chance to know. Now the tears only came on the anniversary of the day she lost him.

Taking both her hands in his, AJ wasn't quite sure how to tell her the news he had. With their faces so close he could see the deep sadness she still felt over the loss of her baby and no matter how he said it, this was going to come as a huge shock to her. "Luna, after I'd discovered your case, I had to know the truth from you, because the things I found in the file didn't coincide with what you'd told me. Today Lieutenant Roberts tracked down your ex-husband and his new wife, along with your son Shawn. You were lied to, my dear. Frank told the care facility you were transferred to that your baby was stillborn, but he wasn't. Frank received sole custody of the baby because of the lies he told about you being a drug addict. Shawn is alive and well and should be here in a few days."

Her stunned look didn't tell him much and as he waited for the news to sink in AJ held her close. He felt her entire body shudder the moment it hit her. Luna's gasp was immediately followed by body-wracking sobs. AJ's arms supported her and his hand rubbed soothing circles on her back as he murmured comforting words.

Finally, after several minutes, she pleaded, "My baby's really alive?"

"Yes he is Luna, and he will be here tomorrow so you can see him."

"He's six years old and I've never even seen him! All the things I've missed! His first words, steps…everything! And he doesn't know me either! What has he been told about me? And how will he react to me? The scars will scare him! Oh AJ, I can't face him!"

To be continued…


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

AJ saw the conflicting emotions in her eyes: joy that her child was alive, regret at all she'd missed of his young life, worry for what Shawn might be going through at this sudden change in his life, and despair over the thought that her own child would fear her because of her scars. "Luna, I don't know what Shawn is going through right now, but I know that he'll be meeting with a counselor who will be there solely to help him understand what is going on."

"Do you know what he's been told about me? I mean, if Frank told him the lies about what happened when he was born, he must hate me!"

"No, I don't know, but I can make sure that the counselor that sees him knows the truth."

"Thank you, AJ! You're so sweet!" she exclaimed, giving him a fierce hug.

"Well, I don't know about sweet, but I'm glad you think so in any case," he replied hugging her back.

"His name is Shawn?"

"Yes, was that what you'd planned to name him?"

"No, he was going to be Neal Spencer after both of our fathers. If he'd been a girl she would have been Lacey Marie. Do you know what Shawn's middle name is?"

"I don't but I'm sure it's in the file if you want me to find out."

"No, that's okay, I can wait 'til tomorrow, there's no need to bother anyone tonight. Did you say that Frank had remarried?"

"That's what Lieutenant Roberts said this afternoon. Does that bother you?"

"No, not at all, but I wonder if they have any children. Frank and I always wanted three or four, but if he goes to prison over this it'll be hard on his wife and their children."

"With all that you have going on it amazes me that you can be concerned for his new family. You are a very special lady Luna Huggins."

"Thank you, AJ, I think you're pretty amazing too."

"Me? Why?"

"Because you've accepted me the way I am and you are here with me through this emotional time. Will you be with me when I see Shawn for the first time, please?" she begged.

"Luna, are you sure? It's a family time…and…well, I'm not."

"Oh, I'm sorry it's too much to ask," she hung her head ashamed that she had come to rely on his solid strength so quickly.

"No! That's not it at all. If you want me there, I'll be there for both you and Shawn."

"Are you sure, AJ? You hardly know me and you don't know Shawn at all."

"I thought we'd established that I do know you and if given the chance would like to know you even better. As for Shawn, he's about the same age as my namesake and he seems to like me well enough."

"What's not to like?" Luna asked softly as she laid her head on his shoulder and gave him another hug.

With a chuckle he replied, "That almost sounded like flirting."

"I'm sorry, AJ, was that wrong?" she asked and tried to get up off his lap.

Holding her firmly in place, he asked her, "Why do you think I was trying all those weeks to get you to meet me? I felt we'd made a connection and I wanted to see if it could be more than just a phone friendship. Luna, if you didn't have all this going on with Shawn right now, I would be asking if you felt the same way and if you would be interested in dating me."

"AJ, I have other scars as well that you can't see, and how I am now is as good as it gets. They can't do any more for me."

"Luna, I have scars too, will they make you feel any different about me when you eventually see them?"

"When I see them?" she asked running a tender hand down his cheek.

"I'd like to think that there will come a day when we could share all of our scars, both the physical and emotional ones, with each other. But right now you have other things on your mind and I am a patient man. I can wait."

"Truthfully AJ, I need to think about something other than facing Shawn or I'll go crazy! Are you saying that you'd be willing to have a relationship with a woman that carries both emotional and physical scars as well as having a six year old child in her life that she is going to have to devote a lot of time to?"

To be continued…


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"Maybe this will convince you since my words don't seem to be doing so," AJ said softly, as he cupped her face gently in his hands and took possession of her lips.

Luna's sigh was all he needed, to know that she thoroughly approved of what he was doing, but as the kiss continued, she melted into him as his hands moved from her face to caress her back and draw her even closer.

Shyly at first, she placed her hands on his shoulders almost as if she were just trying to hang on. Then she seemed to come to a decision and her arms crept around his neck. When he lifted his head slightly to allow them both to draw a deep breath, she sighed his name and this time it was she that initiated the kiss.

He groaned her name as he allowed her to control the pace of the kiss. Her tongue tentatively reached out to touch his lips and he opened them for her. His tongue was waiting to greet hers and welcome her into his mouth. They caressed for a time as the kiss deepened even more.

Luna shifted on his lap, trying to get closer to him and AJ moaned. He had been trying hard to keep his passions at bay, but it had been several months since Meredith's exit from his life and having this warm passionate woman in his arms was very arousing. She felt his erection nudging her hip as she moved on his lap and was surprised that just kissing like they had been, had aroused him so. Frank had never gotten turned on by just kissing her.

"I'm sorry, Luna," AJ apologized, "I can usually control myself better than this."

Blushing a bit she smiled shyly and said, "It's been a long time for me too, AJ, and just because it's not as obvious, doesn't mean that I'm not just as aroused as you are."

"While I admit that it's been several months since I've made love to a woman, it's not that length of time that is causing my reaction. Luna, I find you very attractive," he stopped speaking for a moment and placed a quieting finger on her lips when she started to protest. "I find you very attractive and it's you that makes me react like this. Maybe I should go now?" he questioned.

Removing his finger that was still covering her lips she whispered, "I'd really like you to stay, but maybe I should get off your lap."

Reluctantly, he released his hold on Luna so she could stand up. Before she did however, she placed a light kiss on his lips and said, "Thank you, AJ, you've made me feel special and it's been a very long time since I've felt that way."

He rose as well and tenderly pulled her back into his arms, "I hope that wasn't a final good-bye I heard in that compliment, because if you'll let me, I hope to be around from now on to keep making you feel that special."

Her heart gladdened at the thought of having this kind and gentle man around and in her future. But with the fearsome prospect of meeting her own son, whom she knew nothing about, the next day, she was even more glad of his offer of support. "I'd like that AJ and if you wouldn't mind, I really could use a friend with me when I meet Shawn."

"I'll be there, Luna, now why don't we have desert?"

With a grin she led the way to the kitchen saying, "Why don't you make us some coffee while I serve the ice cream?"

He threw a glance her way as he made the coffee and said, " I saw several cartons of ice cream in there when I put in the one I brought, I hope for Shawn's sake that you're as well stocked on fruits and veggies!" he teased.

"Oh I am!" she assured him. Pointing to one carton she added, "This one is strawberry and this one is mint…it's green…that means it's a veggie…right?"

Not knowing if she were kidding or not, AJ didn't know what to say. Unfortunately, Luna couldn't hold her laughter back at his befuddled look, and his sigh of relief made her laugh all the harder.

To be continued…


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

They ate desert and talked about Shawn. Luna picked AJ's brain about everything he could tell her about boys of that age. He told her all he could about little AJ, but reminded her that not all children were alike so not to go completely on his word.

AJ stayed until it was time for Luna to leave for the station. He gave her a light kiss on the lips as he left and told her he would be listening to her show.

Luna's show was a bit off that night. AJ listened to her distractedly work her way through three calls before he picked up the phone. Bert from Falls Church called in to her show.

"Bert, how have you been? It's been a while since we've heard from you."

"I've been fine. I met someone special the other day and we seemed to hit it off right away."

"Good for you! How did the two of you meet?" Luna asked, wondering why he'd called in like this.

"By accident, literally. She was in a car accident and I was first on the scene. She was trapped in her car and I stayed with her till the rescue team got her out."

"Oh now, Bert, did you ever see the movie 'Speed'? As the heroine in the story said, 'relationships that begin under traumatic circumstances never work out'."

"I did see the movie and liked it so well that I also went to see 'Speed 2' and they were still together. But in any case, I believe we make our own destiny and control our own fate. I believe I can have a future with this lady, how can I find out if she feels the same way?"

"Do you mean other than just asking her?" Luna tried to suppress the thrill she was feeling at AJ/Bert's words. It was way to soon to be thinking about a future when they'd just met. 'But what about all those weeks of phone conversations?' her inner voice argued. 'You know you felt a special connection to Bert during those calls'.

"She is going through an emotionally trying time right now. It might not be the best time to ask her something like that."

"Are you interested enough in her to give her time to work through whatever this is?"

"As long as I knew there was at least a hope that she could feel the same way, yes, I'd be willing to wait. I've already promised her that I would be there for her as she faced this problem."

"Then it sounds to me like you're already doing everything that you can for her right now. She'd be a pretty ungrateful lady if she didn't see that."

"I don't want her gratitude."

Breathless and almost afraid to ask, but she knew she had to know the answer, Luna inquired, "What do you want, Bert?"

"Wouldn't it be better if I told her in person rather than blurting it out on the air like this?" he questioned.

"Well, do you know if she listens to the show?" Luna asked, knowing he was just drawing out the suspense of answering.

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't listen to the show."

"Well then, it's my job to keep our callers calls confidential and I know we have loyal and trustworthy listeners, so what if I promise none of us will tell your lady what you're about to say?"

"I guess it would be okay, especially since I haven't told you her name."

"That's true, Bert, we would have no idea who to tell even if we wanted to. Now what do you want from this special lady if not her gratitude?"

"Her love," AJ/Bert stated simply and waited for her reaction.

To be continued…


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"What?" Luna gasped.

"I want her love. Oh, not right away. I am a patient man, but she is the kind of person that I could envision spending the rest of my life with."

Luna sat there stunned. She wasn't supposed to allow dead airtime like that, but AJ's admission had caught her by such surprise that she couldn't help it. It took his prompting of, "Dr. Huggins?" to snap her out of her silence.

"I really don't know what to say, Bert. You've just met her and you seem to be moving awfully fast."

"I'm not a spring chicken any longer and have learned that life is way to short to fill it with second guessing. I think I'll know when the time is right to tell her how I feel and until then I'm happy to just be there for her."

"What if she's not able to return your feelings?"

"Then at least I'll know that I tried and lost honestly, rather than going through life wondering 'what if?'" AJ told her.

"That sounds wise Bert, and I truly hope that things work out as you hope. You can tell your special lady, from me, that I think she's a very lucky lady to have you interested in her."

"I'll do that doctor, and thanks for listening tonight."

"That's what I'm here for Bert. Thank you for calling and keep us updated on how things are going."

"I'll do that," he promised and ended the call.

Well, there it was, he had let her know how he was feeling, how would she react? AJ wondered as he hung up the phone. She sounded like she was not objecting to knowing what he was thinking. He was going to take that as a positive sign.

AJ got up on Saturday and started it like any other; he went for a ten mile run in the woods behind his house. He got home, started a pot of coffee that would brew while he was in the shower and then caught up on housework. His twice-weekly housekeeper kept up with the dusting, vacuuming and general cleaning, but he still did his own laundry and grocery shopping. With those chores out of the way he did some yard work and by then it was time for lunch.

After that, he would usually relax and catch whatever game might be on the sports channel, but this Saturday was different. He was going over to Luna's to help her get her spare room ready for Shawn's arrival. He wore a T-shirt and jeans, not his normal attire when calling on a lady, but better suited to a day of cleaning and hauling boxes.

Her second bedroom had never been used as anything more than a storage area, but the need to create a room for her child caused Luna to go through boxes that hadn't been touched since she'd moved in. Most of the things were placed into two stacks, discard and donate. There were just a very few that she kept.

He had been a bit disconcerted when he'd suggested that they go out to eat and she refused. Her head bowed and she turned her face away making sure that her hair shielded her face.

Luna seemed surprised every time he would stop what he was doing for even a moment and give her a quick kiss. Some were only pecks, some a bit more, but nothing too intense while they were working. When they took a break late in the evening to eat, AJ startled her by pulling her into his arms as she returned from the kitchen after clearing the table. This kiss was deeper than any of the others he'd given her that day, and although she did respond he could tell she was holding something back.

The subject of his call to the station the night before had been avoided all day. All she would talk about was Shawn or the lightest 'get to know you' topics. AJ was concerned that he had pushed her to soon about his feelings for her, but he was an honest man and felt that she should know he was thinking of a future for them. He had always wanted more children, but that had never happened for him. Now here might be the chance to help Luna raise Shawn if she could see a future for the three of them as well.

To be continued…


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

AJ promised that he would be back the next day after she had gotten some sleep and they would go shopping for furniture to create a little boys room.

He never remembered his dreams, or at least he hadn't done so for years, but last night he'd had one that lingered with him unpleasantly. AJ dreamed that the reunion between mother and son had gone amazingly well, the fly in the ointment had been that Shawn had taken an instant dislike to him. Because of Shawn's refusal to try and get to know him, or 'give him a chance', Luna had reluctantly, but firmly broken it off with him.

She explained that she had to put the well-being of her son first and even though AJ didn't like the outcome, he had to agree with her. Shawn's needs had to come first.

It hit him as he showered and reviewed the dream, just how important Luna had become in his life and how much the thought of losing her bothered him. Reminding himself that it was only a dream, AJ ate breakfast and then went over the work he'd brought home with him on Friday night. He was just thinking about lunch when the phone rang. It was Luna saying she was up and ready to go shopping.

His suggestion of lunch out was turned into Luna asking him to bring over Chinese take out. AJ sighed even as he agreed, but he was determined to talk to her about her reluctance to be seen in public.

Arriving on her doorstep with the food, he was invited in and greeted with a kiss.

Luna was happy and excited about creating a wonderful room for her son. Because she was in such a good mood, AJ decided not to wait to talk to her. "Luna, why is it that you are so afraid to be out in public?"

The take out bag slipped from her fingers onto the table, as she sank into the dining room chair. Stunned at this question from out of the blue, her smile turned into a frown. "You don't understand, AJ, you don't have to see the horrified look in people's eyes when they first see me. Or feel the embarrassment when they turn away from me!"

"Luna, I'm sure you are exaggerating how people react to you! Your scars are NOT that bad!"

"How dare you to presume I'm lying about how people treat me. You have no idea what I have been through in the last six years! I dread even going out the door some days!"

"I don't think you are lying, my dear, I just think you might be seeing more in their eyes than is really there. When we first met I didn't flee from the sight of you."

"You look at me differently from everyone else, and I don't know why, I'm just glad that you do, but you're the exception to the rule."

"I see you as you are, my dear! You're a lovely woman that has a scar on her cheek, and your hair hides most of it."

"The only reason you look at me that way is because you got to know me before you saw me for the first time."

"You forget that when I first 'saw' you, I didn't know who you were, and I wasn't repulsed or horrified as you think everyone is. How do you explain that one?"

"It must be your kind and gentle heart, that you don't look at anyone that way, or it might be that you've seen people in battle that were in much worse shape."

"And even if both of those things were true, it still doesn't change the fact that your scar is not as bad as you're making out. Luna, you have to get out there and face life instead of hiding away from it."

Jumping to her feet, in anger, with her hands doubled up into fists, she shouted, "Don't tell me what I have to do! I got enough of that from Frank! And if you think you're going to rule my life then you can hit the door now!"

To be continued…


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"Luna! I have no intention or desire to rule your life. All I want is for you to be able to get out there and enjoy life instead of hiding away from it. I will be with you every step of the way and if you like, I can punch everyone that looks at you badly in the nose!" AJ promised, trying to lighten the mood.

"That's all you men know is violence! Like I would want you to hit anyone for me! You think that if you can't manipulate people to do what you want, you'll just hit them till they do as you say!"

"Luna, do you really think that of me? I know we haven't known each other long, but I hope you know me better than that by now. However, if that is the way you think all men are, then I pity Shawn."

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded defensively.

"Well, you do realize that your son will grow up to be a man one day, don't you?"

"Of course I do! But what has that got to do with this?"

"Because if you harbor this belief that all men are evil and violent, how will you deal with Shawn as he grows into manhood? How can you not let that belief reflect in the way you will raise him?"

Stunned at his words, Luna hung her head. 'Had she really allowed Frank to color her view of all men? Was that fair? But even if it wasn't, was AJ right? Could this view of men color how she dealt with her own son? How could it not?' Comprehension dawned and she knew that she was going to have to talk to someone about this. She wouldn't allow Frank to ruin her chance with Shawn, now that she was finally going to meet her baby! 'Well not baby any longer,' she reminded herself. He was a little boy now, and there was so much of his past that she had missed. But they had the future and AJ was the reason for that!

"I'm sorry, AJ. I guess I'm just so nervous about Shawn's arrival that I panicked. Can you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, my dear. I'm just worried."

"Worried about what?"

"I'm worried that with Shawn going to school and such, you'll have to be there for concerts if he is musical, or games if he is sporty, and then there's us…with my life as it is, there are times I am in the public eye, and I would want you at my side."

Tears slid slowly down her cheeks as she realized the truth of his statement, "I can deal with Shawn's things when they come up, but I think I have always known, since I met you that we can't have a future! With your lifestyle, the social engagements that you must have to go to, I could never be around for those kinds of things."

Taking her into his arms even though she tried to resist him, AJ held her close and whispered softly into her hair, "You know I had a dream last night that you broke it off with me, but it was because of Shawn, not this."

"You did? Why would I break up with you over Shawn?" she asked, still hiding her face from him in his shoulder.

AJ was glad that she had at least stopped trying to get away from him and allowed him to hold her, he answered, "In my dream, Shawn hated me at first sight and wouldn't allow you to see me any longer. You felt you needed to be there for him, so you broke it off with me."

"It would be hard to make that choice, you have come to mean so much to me in such a short time. But if that were true, I guess I would have to stop seeing you until he came around to how wonderful you are. And that still doesn't change your life or the fact that I can't be there at your side like you want."

To be continued…


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"That dream made me realize how much you have come to mean to me Luna. I will find a way to keep you in my life no matter what I have to do," he promised fiercely.

"AJ, I don't want you to change your life for me! That's not fair!" she protested.

"It may not be fair, but in relationships people give and take all the time and if you can't face the life I lead, then I'll have to change my life. We will be together, unless that isn't what you want."

"I do want that, AJ! I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I want you in my life!"

"Then that's settled! We will find a way to make this work, I promise you that, Luna."

"I want that too, AJ, lets find a way together," she sighed and held him closer.

Gently lifting her face up from his shoulder, AJ kissed her to seal the promise. He knew already what he was going to do, but didn't want to tell her until it was too late for her to try and change his mind. Once it was done there would be no going back, and although that didn't bother him, he knew she would argue against such a drastic change in his life because of her.

Needing to change the subject so she didn't question him on his plans, AJ suggested, "Isn't it time that we get going to the stores before they close?"

Still not happy about going out, Luna knew it needed to be done for Shawn, so she nodded and agreed. Relying on AJ's knowledge of his namesake, Luna bowed to his advice on every purchase. The store promised delivery, and for an extra charge, would even set it up, the next afternoon. Shawn was due to arrive in Virginia Tuesday morning and Luna would meet him for the first time in the counselor's office.

Monday, April 25, 2003

0730 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

AJ arrived at his office at his usual early, and he and Colonel Mackenzie shared a cup of coffee before he headed to his office. Booting up his computer, he typed up his retirement papers and faxed them to the SECNAV. He was glad Bud had shown him how to do this so he wouldn't have to wait for a regular mail delivery. AJ was busy making preparations for his departure from the office because he wanted to leave things as completed as possible for Mac to take over until his replacement could be instated.

At 0910 EST the phone rang, Coates informed him that the SECNAV was on the line. AJ answered the phone, "Good morning, Mr. Secretary."

"Chegwidden, what the hell is going on? I just received your retirement papers, surely it's a mistake!"

"No, Mr. Secretary, it's not. I'd be glad to finish out the week to make sure Colonel Mackenzie is up to speed. She's more than capable of filling in until you find my replacement."

"I'm not worried about the Colonel! I want to know why all of a sudden you feel the need to retire!"

"My reasons are personal, Sir. But this isn't a sudden decision. I've been thinking about it for a while now."

"Personal! Personal?! There is no personal in the military!"

"That's just it, Mr. Secretary. I haven't had a personal life in years. My job has always come first, in fact that's the reason my engagement broke off. Now I've met someone new and I want the time to spend with her."

"AJ! You mean you're throwing away your career because of a woman?"

"Can you think of a better reason, Sir? When you meet the right woman, you're ready to give up anything for her."

"When you meet the right woman she should accept you AND your career!"

"She is the right woman, Sir, and she has personal reasons for not wanting to be involved in my career. I've given my life to my country for over thirty years, I think its time for me to take back my life, so I hope you'll accept my retirement. If not, you'll have my resignation on your desk before noon."

To be continued…


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Edward Sheffield told AJ, "It's against my better judgment, but I'll accept your retirement. It's a damn shame losing a man like you. I hope you'll find the happiness you're searching for."

"I will, Sir, thank you. So I am free to tell my staff at the meeting this morning?" he replied.

"Yes, feel free to tell them. When do you plan on leaving?"

"Any time this week is fine with me, but I can finish out the week if you like."

"Go ahead and get all your loose ends tied up and you can leave anytime you like."

"I can probably have everything cleared up by Wednesday, Sir."

"Alright, good luck and God bless."

After the call ended, AJ called PO Coates into his office, when she arrived he said, "Coates…"

"Sir, was the SECNAV mad when he called? He sure sounded that way!"

"The SECNAV's moods are none of your business, Petty Officer. I want you to call the Officer's Club and see if Friday night is still free. If they haven't filled the spot, I want you to rebook it for me."

"Oh WOW Sir! Is the engagement back on?! That's wonderful! I didn't know that you and Ms. Cavanaugh had gotten back together! Should I start rebooking everything else too?"

"Coates!" AJ snapped when it seemed like Jen would babble on forever. "The engagement is NOT back on, I want the Officer's Club for my retirement party."

The young woman stood there in open-mouthed shock. There had been no indication that the Admiral had been thinking along those lines, and here he was now booking his party for Friday! "Sir?" she questioned.

"That's all, Coates. If Friday is booked let me know the next possible date that they have available."

Coates returned a few minutes later to tell him that the date was still been free and that she had booked it for him once again. AJ thanked her and headed to the morning staff meeting. The reactions to his announcement were varied: Commander Rabb offered his congratulations, while Commander Turner offered best wishes. On the other hand Colonel Mackenzie reacted with shock and said nothing, unlike Lieutenant Roberts who wanted to know why the Admiral was leaving them.

Responding to Bud, AJ told him, "Its just time. I've put in my years of service and it's time to move on."

Mac exclaimed, "I don't believe it! You aren't the kind of person to retire and sit at home doing nothing! And why is this happening all of a sudden?"

"It's not all of a sudden, I've been thinking about retiring for some time now, and now I have a reason to do so."

"What kind of reason, Sir? Are you dying?" Bud questioned.

"Dying? What ever gave you that idea?" AJ demanded.

"Well, it was the only reason I could think of for you to leave JAG, Sir!"

"Thank you, I think Lieutenant, but I'm not dying, in fact I think I have just begun to live."

"Would you care to explain that, Sir?" Mac inquired.

"I've met a lady that has a reason to want to remain out of the public eye and my lifestyle doesn't allow that at this time. If I'm retired there will be no functions for us to attend and that will make her more comfortable."

"Would that be Mrs. Huggins, Sir?" Bud asked.

"Why would you think it was her, Bud?" Mac asked him.

"Because she was badly scarred in the explosion and the Admiral was asking about her last week, so I just kind of put two and two together and…am I right, Sir?" he turned the question on AJ.

"Bud, has anyone ever told you that you'd make a great lawyer?" AJ asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, Sir, you did!"

"Well I was right, and so are you. Now I'd like it if you all could attend the party on Friday night, I'd like the chance to say a proper good bye to all of you. That's all, dismissed," AJ told them and waited in silence for them to leave the conference room.

When everyone but Mac had left the room, she turned to AJ and asked, "Do you really think that you won't someday come to resent her for giving up your career for her, Sir?"

To be continued…


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Mac, I'm giving up a job to have a life with her. When you find the right person then there's no looking back or questioning why. And if that means giving up a dead end career to please her, then I will gladly do so. She doesn't even know I'm doing this yet. I wanted it finalized before I told her so she wouldn't try and stop me. I know she wouldn't want me to do this for her, but I feel the need to do it for us," AJ answered her question.

"I wish I could find someone to love me that way! She must be a very special lady to have a fine man like you in love with her."

"Thank you, Mac, I feel the same about her, and don't you worry I'm sure that someday you will find someone for you too. I mean if I can at my age, surely someone as young and lovely as you will find love too."

"Well, I wish you all the best, Sir, and I will be there at the party. Will we meet her there?"

"I'd like to hope I can persuade her to come, but I doubt it will happen."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Sir."

"So am I, Mac. By the way, I am hoping to have things cleared up by Wednesday, so you will be in charge of the offices until my replacement can be found," he said, as the two of them walked out of the room and back to their offices.

"I understand, Sir," she informed him.

When he got off work that evening AJ headed right over to Luna's. He knew that she would be tense and nervous about the meeting with Shawn the next morning and he wanted to see if he could calm her down before then. Plus he needed to tell her that he had retired so she wouldn't have to face the functions his job entailed.

Throughout dinner the talk centered around Shawn and what he would think of her when they met the next day. No matter what AJ said, it didn't seem to relieve her fears that her son would be afraid of the scars she had. He tried to reassure her again that her scars were not that noticeable, but he could tell she wasn't hearing him. All he could do was hope that the child would convince her of what he was trying to tell her. AJ prayed Shawn wouldn't turn away from her like so many others had in the past.

After dinner, AJ helped her to clear the table and as they began to do the dishes he said, "I made a decision today that I hope you'll approve of."

"Oh, what kind of decision, AJ?"

"You were worried about the social aspects of my job, so I gave the SECNAV my retirement papers today."

"AJ, you can't do that! You can't change your whole life for me!" she exclaimed, throwing down the dishtowel and planting her hands firmly on her hips.

"I most certainly can. I want us to have a life together and if my job stands in the way, then it is easy enough to change it."

"Some day you'll come to resent me for making you give the military up! I have dealt with enough couples that have had a change like this and it's always the same!"

"You haven't dealt with me before, Luna. I don't do things I don't want to, and you're more important to me than any job or career could be."

"Why are you being so stubborn, AJ?"

"Why are you, my dear?"

Turning him to face her she poked her finger in his chest repeatedly as she declared, "I won't have you playing psychologist with me! I'm the one with the degree and I know what I know!"

"Do you know that I love you?" he asked as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

To be continued…


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

When they finally came up for air, Luna stated in a meek little voice, "No, I didn't know that."

"That's why I want to retire, so we can spend our time together and with Shawn. I don't want you to worry about all those command performances I have to attend," AJ told her.

Still shocked by his confession of love, Luna said, "You can't retire just because I'm afraid to go out in public!"

"I can and did, Luna. All I want is your happiness, and if my job stood in the way of that, then it goes. Please understand that you are more important to me than any career could be."

"You really love me?"

"Yes, I do, and someday I hope that you might come to love me too."

"I've never felt the way I do about you for anyone else before, but I'm so confused right now with Shawn arriving and all..."

"And I understand that, darling. I am a patient man and willing to give you all the time that you need."

"Thank you, AJ, I really don't want to keep you waiting for an answer, but I just…" she sighed and couldn't continue.

"Luna, it's truly alright. We can focus on Shawn for as long as you need, remember I'm here for you…for the both of you," AJ told her holding her tightly in his arms.

Feeling safe for the first time in a long time, Luna snuggled into his arms, content to be held by this wonderful man that loved her. All would be right with her world if only Shawn didn't fear her.

Her sleep was broken by a nightmare that caused her to wake in a cold sweat. Shawn had taken one look at her and run crying into AJ's arms for protection.

Luna had asked AJ to wear his uniform when they went to meet Shawn. Since her son had grown up with his father and had mostly lived on military bases, she thought that having someone there in uniform would be more comforting to Shawn.

When AJ picked her up that morning, he knew there was something that she wasn't telling him. It was clear that she hadn't slept well, but she refused to tell him what she was thinking when he asked. However, he finally knew what a favorite old saying of his mother's looked like. Luna was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was actually quite amusing until they were sitting in the waiting room at the counselor's office and Luna got up declaring she was going to be sick and ran from the room.

She had only been gone a few moments when the door opened and the counselor, Lieutenant Commander Aguilar, came out and looked around. Since AJ was the only one in the waiting room, she asked, "Dr. Huggins?" as if she thought Shawn's mother might be hiding.

"Dr. Huggins had to use the facilities, Lieutenant. She should be right back."

"I'd rather not keep that little boy waiting, he's anxious enough. Will you come in until then?"

"You're sure it wouldn't be better to wait 'til she gets back?" AJ asked, even as he got to his feet.

"Not for Shawn, Admiral. After you and I talked this morning he knows that there was someone coming with his mother."

As the two of them walked into the room, a solemn eyed little boy looked up. He stared past the counselor and AJ as if waiting for someone else to enter. AJ approached the child who seemed to notice him for the first time. As Shawn saw the man in uniform, he jumped to his feet and stood at attention, obviously as he'd been trained to do. "At ease, Shawn," AJ told him and added, "Unless the Navy had drastically lowered their recruiting age, you don't need to greet me like that."

"But you're an Admiral, Sir!" Shawn declared as if AJ hadn't realized that.

"Well, today I'm here as a friend of your mother's," AJ assured him as he squatted down so he was on eye level with the little boy.

"Didn't she come, Sir? Did she decide she didn't want me after all?"

"Nothing could be further from the truth!" exclaimed AJ. "Can I tell you a secret?"

To be continued…


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

"Yes, Sir, I know when not to tell," promised Shawn.

"Okay. You're mom was so nervous about seeing you for the first time that she had to go to the bathroom to throw up. She's very worried that you won't like her," AJ confessed.

"She is? Really?"

"Yes really, I would never lie to you, Shawn. She's worried that because she has some scars you might not like her, but I told her that if you knew how she got them you wouldn't mind at all."

"How did she get them?" Shawn asked, his eyes as round as saucers.

Lieutenant Commander Aguilar watched the interaction between them and thought how sad it was that the Admiral had gone into the law instead of counseling.

"Before you were ever born, your mom was caught in an explosion and because you were in her tummy, she wanted to protect you. That was how her face got hurt."

"Oh…is she mad at me for that?" Shawn asked.

"No! Why would she be?"

"Because Mama…Ruby gets mad at me when I do bad things."

"All of us get into trouble at times, but I know that your mom loves you and wants very much to meet you."

"She won't treat me like Pinocchio?"

"Pinocchio? What do you mean?" AJ asked.

"Ma…Ruby said if I was her real boy, then I would behave better. I want to be real! And I try my best to be good!" Shawn's lower lip began to quiver.

"I'm sure you do," AJ said, and not knowing quite what else to do, instinctively did just what Shawn needed most. He simply opened his arms, and Shawn threw himself into them.

That was how Luna found them when she entered the room. Her eyes had gone immediately to the child in AJ's arms and her gaze all but devoured him. Looking up when he saw movement at the door, AJ saw Luna and the almost hungry look she gave Shawn. He whispered something in the little boy's ear and the child shyly turned his head to get his first look at his 'real' mother.

Shawn turned back to AJ and whispered something in his ear too, then threw a quick glance at his mother and added something else. Grinning at the child, AJ let him go and got to his feet. He told Shawn out loud, "You should tell her both those things." Taking Shawn by the hand he walked over to Luna. "Shawn, this is your mom. Her name is Luna, but I bet she'd love it if you called her mom or mommy."

"Hi," Shawn said shyly, still clinging to AJ's hand.

Luna tried to keep the scarred side of her face turned away from him, but she wanted to take in everything about him, so it was very difficult. Bending down so they were face to face, she said, "Hi Shawn, what was it that AJ wanted you to tell me?"

"I said that you were pretty," Shawn answered, then added, "Oh and that you had hair just like mine!"

Luna's eyes flew to AJ's as if for conformation, when he gave it to her with a nod of his head, her eyes filled with tears. Unfortunately this scared Shawn into thinking he had said something wrong. Instinctively, it seemed, he hid behind AJ's legs.

AJ looked down at him and asked, "What is it, Shawn?"

"I made her cry, now she'll be mad at me!" the little voice shook as tears began to slide down his cheeks.

Wiping her eyes, Luna spoke, "Shawn, I couldn't possibly be mad at what you said. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Watching as the child took a step closer to his mother, AJ realized that Shawn had been right. With their heads on almost equal level it was clear where Shawn had gotten his head full of white-blonde hair. If AJ had thought about it at all, before seeing Shawn, he would have guessed Luna's color had come from a bottle. Not that there would have been anything wrong with that, but he was glad that this gave the two of them some equal footing to start on.

"If you're not mad at me, why did you cry?" Shawn asked.

"They were happy tears, Shawn. I'm just so happy to finally meet you."

"Dad was mad when they came to the door and said you wanted to see me. Then he got really mad when they put the handcuffs on him and took him away."

To be continued…


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Luna shot AJ a look at the thought of her child having to see that and said, "You shouldn't have had to see that Shawn, I'm sorry."

"I was in the house with Lieutenant Aguilar, but dad was shouting and cussing so I looked out the window," Shawn told her.

"Do you know why they did that to your father, Shawn?" Luna asked him.

"I asked Mama…Ruby and she said it was cuz I wasn't her real boy. I thought that meant I was like Pinocchio. I knew I wasn't a robot cuz I had a broken arm when I was four. But then later, when Lieutenant Aguilar and I was on the airplane she told me that my real mommy had just found out I was alive and that an Admiral had helped her find me."

Luna smiled at Shawn and told him, "AJ was the Admiral that helped me. He was the one that told me you were alive. I was sick when you were born and they told me that you had died."

"Did that make you cry too?"

"Yes very much! I was so sad that I would never get to see you."

"Was it the splosion that made you sick?"

Again her eyes flew to AJ's, thinking that these two must have had some talk before she got there.

"I told him you got scarred protecting him before he was even born," AJ explained.

Giving him a grateful smile, Luna told Shawn, "I loved you even then Shawn. I would rather have something bad happen to me than to you."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes really. I would never lie to you Shawn."

"That's what the Admiral said too!"

"Well that's because he is a very honorable man," Luna explained.

"Oh…am I honorable?" Shawn wanted to know.

"Do you tell the truth and always keep your promises?" asked Luna.

"Ruby told me never to tell dad what she did to me…and I didn't…is that not telling the truth?"

"Did she hurt you, Shawn?" AJ asked sharply.

"No Sir," responded the child almost coming to attention again.

"Shawn, what did Ruby do to you?" his mother questioned.

"She told me not to tell," he whimpered.

"She told you not to tell your dad, right?"

"Yes."

"Well he's not here Shawn, so you can tell us."

He paused as if considering her reasoning and then after looking around at the three caring faces in the room, decided that it was okay, "Whenever she was mad at me she would lock me in the closet. It was dark in there and I got scared. I don't like the dark, but Dad said that only wimps need nightlights. So I guess I'm a wimp."

Luna had wanted to take Shawn into her arms the moment she'd come into the room, but hadn't wanted to rush him, however after hearing this and seeing the tear that slid down his tiny cheek when he admitted to being afraid of the dark, she couldn't hold back any longer. Gently putting her arms around him she said, "I don't think you're a wimp at all and you can have a nightlight in your new room for as long as you want."

"For real?"

"For real!"

"Thank you…mommy," he said, the last in almost a whisper as he gave her a tight hug. Once again Luna couldn't hold back her tears.

"It sounds to me like the two of you are off to a pretty good start," Lieutenant Aguilar spoke up. "I'll check in on you both in a few days, but until then I think Shawn might feel comfortable going home with his mom now. Right, Shawn?"

Nodding at Lieutenant Aguilar, Shawn held out a hand each to Luna and AJ. Once he stood securely between the two new people in his life he asked AJ, "Are you my new daddy?"

To be continued…


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

A startled look crossed his face before AJ replied, "Well, Shawn, that's something we're just going to have to wait and see on. I like your mom a lot and want to spend time with the both of you, if that's okay." When both Luna and Shawn nodded, he continued, "And then we can see what the future will bring, okay?" Again he got two nods and with smiles at Lieutenant Aguilar the three of them left the office hand in hand.

After making sure Shawn was safely tucked into the back seat of the Escalade, they made the trip to Luna's apartment in good time. Shawn couldn't stop asking questions once he'd been told that it was okay. He wanted to know everything from the color of his new room to how many kids his age lived close so he could make friends. He wanted to know if he had to go to school here too, and most importantly, did Luna have a dog? They were told, "Dad said I was too little to take care of one, but I would have! Really I would have!"

"I'm afraid the building where I live doesn't allow pets, Shawn," Luna told him regretfully.

AJ saw the sad face of the child in his review mirror and said, "I have a dog, Shawn, and you can play with her anytime you and your mom come to my house to visit."

"Couldn't we just come and live with you and your dog?"

"Shawn!" his mother protested at his boldness. "I'm sorry, AJ, I don't know what to say…"

Reaching out to pat her hand, he replied, "There's no need to apologize." Then to the child he said, "Shawn, while that might happen someday, it takes adults time to decide those kinds of things, especially when they have a child to think about."

"Why?" the child wanted to know.

"Because they want to make sure everything is just right before they do anything that affects the child's future. That way the child will always feel safe and secure."

"All grownups aren't like that, Admiral AJ," Shawn informed him.

"Well, that's the way your mother and I are, Shawn. We want you to feel safe and be happy."

"Will, Mommy lock me in the closet when I'm bad?"

Gasping, the tears flowed down Luna's cheeks, as she thought of what her child had been put through, while AJ answered, "No, son, you're mommy would never do that. She loves you and you don't do those kinds of things to people you love."

"For real?"

With a tender smile AJ assured him, "Yes, for real, Shawn."

Lunch was a roaring success, in Shawn's book anyway. When asked what he wanted to eat he had hesitated to answer, until he was told that he could really have anything that he wanted. The golden arches called to him, he was never allowed to eat there unless he had been on a school outing and he loved it. So with resignation AJ pulled into the gaily-painted fast food restaurant and the three went inside. Shawn was in heaven when he found out it was one that had a playground inside. He couldn't eat fast enough to get done and go play.

AJ went back to work after lunch much to Luna and Shawn's disappointment, but he felt that the two of them needed time alone to bond. He promised that after this week they would have a lot of time to spend together because he would no longer be working.

Even though he had taken the morning off to go with Luna to meet Shawn, AJ had enough of the loose ends tied up to know by that evening that Wednesday would be his last day at JAG.

As he entered the building that morning, he thought back on his first day there. So many things had happened in the nine years he'd held the office that he knew he would never forget.

Mac had arrived earlier than usual on Wednesday, she wanted to be sure to beat AJ into the office. She greeted him with a fresh pot of the strong coffee they preferred, and his favorite Danish. As they shared this impromptu breakfast they reminisced on other mornings they'd done the same and other unforgettable moments.

AJ told her he wanted to spend most of the morning with her to make sure she was completely up to speed on anything that he had to leave undone. She told him that would be fine with her and as they headed to their own offices added, "This place really won't be the same without you, Sir."

"I'm sure you'll adjust, Mac, and I know you'll like the new JAG," he grinned.

"So you do know who it is!" she exclaimed.

To be continued…


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

"No, only that he's a Marine, but you didn't hear that from me, Colonel!" AJ teasingly told her.

"No, Sir! Didn't hear a thing! But I do wonder how all the Navy boys will react!" Mac almost giggled at the thought.

"You'll have to find a way of letting me know."

"I do hope that we'll continue to see you, Sir! I know if Harriett has anything to say about it you'll be invited to all our get togethers."

"Don't you think she'll have enough on her plate getting ready for twins, Mac?"

"Sir, this IS Harriett we're talking about!"

"Oh that's right! Mild mannered Lieutenant by day, Superwoman by night!"

They both laughed and parted to start their day.

Mac knew from their morning together that AJ would most likely leave the office around mid afternoon. That was why, when she volunteered to get them both a fresh cup of coffee around 1100 hours, she found Harriett and asked if she could throw together a quick lunch good-bye party. Friday night would be a formal affair and she wanted to offer him a more casual send off. Harriett quickly and happily agreed. She was already at work on it before Mac left the bullpen.

About an hour later AJ looked down at his watch and said, "Well, I think that's everything, Mac, but if you discover anything I've missed you can always give me a call."

"I can't think of a thing we haven't gone over, Sir. I'm sure you've covered it all."

"In that case why don't we call it a morning? Go and have lunch."

"Yes, Sir," Mac said, getting up and heading for the door. AJ walked with her, intending to grab a quick bite at the cafeteria so he could finish up the last few things he needed to do before leaving the office for good.

The two of them walked into the bullpen to find the rest of the staff gathered around Harriett's desk, which was piled with pizza boxes. "Surprise!" they all called out.

When AJ asked what was going on, Mac turned to him and replied, "We know that Friday is your official retirement party, but we wanted to find a way to tell you good-bye in our own way, Sir."

"That's very considerate of you, Colonel…everyone…thank you."

"It's our pleasure, Sir, the office won't be the same without you," Harriett said.

"The office is losing you too, Lieutenant," AJ gently reminded her.

"Yes, Sir," she smiled and placed a hand on her tummy.

"Well, let's not allow this food to get cold. Let's eat!" AJ instructed.

"Yes, Sir!" several of them exclaimed as they reached for the boxes and began to dig in.

Time passed quickly as they ate and reminisced. Sturgis was the first to have to leave, because he needed to be in court at 1300 hours. After that the others began to depart to one thing or another until just Harriett, Mac, and AJ stood at her desk. "I want to thank the two of you again for arranging this. It really meant a lot to me," he told them.

"It was our honor, Sir," Mac replied.

"We loved doing it, Sir! You can't know how much we'll miss you!" Harriett stated with a catch in her voice and emboldened by the fact that she was leaving the office too and the deep feelings she had for this wonderful man, she reached out and gave him a fierce hug.

Not caring that it wasn't proper office behavior, AJ hugged her back and said, "Thank you, Harriett." Taking his leave of the two women, AJ returned to his office and placed a call to Lieutenant Aguilar. He had tried earlier in the morning, but had been told she was out of the office until that afternoon. When she came on the line he reported to her what Shawn had said about his stepmother to Luna and himself yesterday.

Sadly, in her line of work, Lieutenant Aguilar had heard so many horror stories that this didn't shock her much. She told him she would report it to the proper authorities and that Ruby would be picked up and charged if Shawn's allegations proved to be true. She told him that Shawn would be asked to talk to her about it soon, so charges could be filed. AJ said he would let Luna know.

To be continued…


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Luna hadn't wanted to leave Shawn at home, even with a babysitter, during his first few nights with her, so she had arranged to take the week off of work. She had quite a lot of time off due her, because she'd never had a reason to take vacation time before now.

The two of them had spent Tuesday evening getting to know each other and although Shawn had been reluctant at bedtime to leave her, he was surprised to find out that she really had meant it when she told him he could have a light on to sleep with.

Wednesday however, Shawn had begged that Admiral AJ be asked to come to dinner. Luna called AJ, catching him just before he left the office for the very last time and asked him to come and eat with them. Once he was assured that he wouldn't be intruding, AJ accepted the offer and promised to be there at the appointed time. He went home, showered and changed, then headed to Luna's apartment.

Shawn answered the door to AJ's knock and greeted him with a formal, "Hello, Sir." However, the little boy was bouncing on the balls of his feet and AJ could tell that he want nothing more than to give him a huge hug. With a grin, AJ decided to see how long it would take for Shawn to give in to the urge.

He reached out to shake the little boy's hand and then said, "I have brought something for desert, but it needs to be put in the freezer."

"I can do that, Sir. Is it chocolate? That's my favorite!"

"It's my favorite too," grinned AJ. Seeing that the boy wasn't going to give in to the urge to hug him unless he was encouraged, he put the bag down on the ground and going down on one knee opened his arms to the child.

With only a slight hesitation Shawn launched himself at AJ. The only thing that saved AJ from landing on his six was the fact that his namesake, AJ Roberts, frequently used the same force when hugging him. "How come you didn't bring your dog with you?" asked the excited child.

"Your mom told you that they didn't allow pets in this building. So I couldn't bring her, but when you come out to my house, you can meet her."

"Oh goodie! What's your dog's name?" Shawn asked just as his mother came in from the kitchen.

"Dammit," AJ replied.

"AJ!" she exclaimed. "I really prefer that you don't curse around Shawn."

"Then I'm in big trouble, Luna, dear, because that's the dogs name."

With a shocked look on his face, Shawn glanced between both adults. Luna gave a gasping laugh and asked, "How in the world did the dog get that name?"

"She earned it," AJ sighed.

"Maybe you could come in and tell us how over dinner?"

"That sounds like a fine idea. You might want to put this ice cream in the freezer, I brought it for desert."

"You didn't have to do that!"

"But Shawn and I like ice cream…isn't that right, Shawn?"

"Yes, Sir! And it's chocolate, our favorite!"

"Really? And just how do you know that AJ's favorite is chocolate?" she asked her son.

"Because he told me, mommy!" Shawn assured her.

"Oh in that case…" she trailed off with a laugh.

After the ice cream was put in the freezer the three of them sat down to dinner. Luna served fried chicken, green beans, and macaroni and cheese. She smiled and apologized for the mac and cheese, claiming that Shawn had insisted on it. The little boy piped up, "I like it almost as much as chocolate ice cream!"

AJ took a tentative bite and said with some amazement, "I thought that this looked different than what I had seen in the past! This certainly doesn't taste like it came from a box!"

Affronted, Luna assured him, "I would never serve that boxed stuff! This is homemade. I always thought there should be a law against powdered cheese!"

With a laugh AJ said, "If I wasn't retired I would have looked into that for you!"

To be continued…


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

During dinner Shawn could talk about only one thing and that was how soon he was going to get to meet AJ's dog. "Well if it's alright with your mom, how would the two of you like to come over for lunch tomorrow?"

"Can we? Can we please, Mommy? Huh? Oh please can we?!" begged the excited youngster.

"If you promise to calm down, then I guess we can go," grinned Luna.

"Gee thanks, Mommy! Now I'll get to see Dam…the Admiral's dog," said a red-faced little boy.

"AJ, isn't there something else we can call that dog?"

"Well, occasionally she'll come to 'girl'."

"Let's hope that tomorrow will be one of those occasions."

"Yes, let's," he grinned at her.

"You still haven't explained how she got that name," replied Luna arching her brow.

"Well, I was trying to name her something refined and dignified. I tried many of Shakespeare's heroine's names, but she didn't respond to any of them. Then I went into the kitchen for something to drink and returned to find her in my favorite chair. Unfortunately I was a bit frustrated at the time and said, 'D…get out of my chair!' she responded immediately. I used it again in a command and she responded again. But I think what truly cinched her name was when I took her into the office the next day for a visit. Colonel Mackenzie looked up from her work and said, 'hello girl' the silly dog put her paws on a large stack of paperwork knocking the files to the floor. Mac said, 'Oh D…!' and from then on it stuck."

"So you mean she was naughty because she knocked the files to the floor?"

"No, she just didn't know any better."

"So you got her as a full grown dog, and not as a puppy?" Luna asked.

"Actually it was more like she acquired me," AJ chuckled.

"How so?"

"I had accidentally ejected over George Washington National Forrest in the middle of winter and she saved my life by leading me back to civilization."

"Wow, that's some story!"

"Yes, I guess it is when you stop and think about it," he smiled.

Once the ice cream was eaten, two scoops for both the males and only one for Luna, they pulled out an old board game that his mother had found Shawn loved to play. 'Sorry' had been her favorite as a child and now it seemed that her son had the same taste in games. As the three played, Shawn took delight in sending his mother's and his Admiral AJ's pieces back to the start, but frowned when they did the same to him. However, whether through luck or skill, Shawn won four games out of five. Luna had won the other game, but AJ teased her, only by one move. She argued, that was all it took! With a sigh, AJ agreed.

Soon it was time for Shawn to go to bed and AJ was surprised that he was to be included in the bedtime ritual of bath and having a story read, but Shawn insisted that he wanted his Admiral AJ there too. Neither adult was sure if it was just because he liked AJ so much, or if it was just a few more minutes he could talk about AJ's dog.

Once kisses had been given and Shawn was tucked in, the two adults retired to the living room. "Would you stay for some coffee, AJ?" Luna asked.

He nodded his agreement and they walked into the kitchen together. "Things seem to be going very well with you and Shawn."

"Yes, he seems happy here. I'm not sure that could be said for his life with his father and Ruby."

"Speaking of Ruby, I called Lieutenant Aguilar today and reported what Shawn had said about being locked in the closet by her. She said she would look into it, and once she had talked to Shawn about it, have Ruby brought up on charges."

"I'm sure she is trained for those kinds of situations, but I'm still worried that he will have to go through that kind of questioning."

AJ put his arm around her waist and said, "He's a strong little boy, Luna. He'll come through this fine. Remember he has you to lean on."

"And you," she replied, leaning back in his arm and resting her head on his shoulder. "There are times you're all he can talk about."

"It's just because of the dog," AJ laughed.

"No, he really cares about you too," she insisted.

"I'm glad. I care about him, and his mother too."

To be continued…


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

"I know you do, AJ, and don't think I've forgotten what you said to me the other night. I've just been too focused on Shawn to deal with personal matters," Luna apologized.

"Luna, that is perfectly fine. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. As I told you then, I'm a patient man and can wait until things are more settled. When you're ready, you let me know."

"I'm ready," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, stunned, he hadn't been expecting that.

"I said that I'm ready to tell you how I feel about you, AJ Chegwidden."

"Why do I have a feeling that I should be sitting down for this?" he questioned.

"I don't know, but if you want, why don't you come over here on the couch so I can sit next to you?" she asked with a tender smile.

"That sounds like a fine idea, Ma'am."

"Hummm…do you suddenly get formal when you are nervous, AJ?"

Blushing slightly that he'd been found out, AJ nodded as the two of them took their seats on the couch. "Let me start by telling you that I've known what my feelings for you have been all along. I've just been afraid," she paused to draw a breath.

He knew that she hadn't been done talking, but he just had to ask, "Afraid? Of what, my love? Me?"

"Oh no! Never of you, darling AJ!"

His heart lifted at the endearment even as she continued to speak, "I was afraid of myself. Or more to the point of trusting myself. I made a bad mistake with Frank and then living with my scars the way I have, I haven't ever had a chance to see other men, so this is the first time I've had to even think about feelings of love. From the first I was drawn to you, your voice, the caring and concern you showed in your calls, I found you appealing even then. When you kept asking if we could meet, you'll never know how tempted I was, but I had to keep reminding myself of how people reacted to my scars and knew that it couldn't happen."

She again paused for a breath, looking down at her hands folded in her lap, before she went on. AJ didn't want to stop her now that the floodgates seemed to be opening up, so just took her hand in his and squeezed it encouragingly. When she looked up at him shyly, he smiled and nodded for her to continue. "I just knew that if you had one look at me you would go running like all the rest, and then the day of the crash, you didn't! I was shocked, especially when you came to see me in the hospital afterwards! You were just as kind and caring as you were on the phone and I was stunned. You didn't seem to mind my scars, or at the very least you hid it well."

AJ wanted her to read all the sincerity in his eyes that he could put there as he said, "Luna, your scars are much worse in your mind than they are on your face. You're a beautiful woman and I love you more than I can ever hope to show you."

"No, AJ, that's wrong! You have already shown me more love in the short time that we've been together than Frank did in our years of being married. You have willingly accepted me the way I am, and my child too, you're an amazing man!"

"I don't know about amazing, I'm just a man in love with a wonderful woman, who has an equally wonderful child in her life."

Looking into his dear sweet face, Luna reached up to tenderly caress his cheek. He had no idea just how glorious he made her feel just by being with her, let alone by knowing he loved her so deeply. "I know, you really don't think that's something special about you, but it's just one of the reasons that I love you like I do."

To be continued…


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"You love me?" AJ questioned, joy welling in his heart.

"Yes I do. I should have had the courage to tell you the first time you said you loved me, but I was afraid."

"Don't ever be afraid to love, Luna. It's what makes us alive."

She sighed and smiled at him, "I still say you should have been a counselor instead of a lawyer."

"Well, for now at least, I'm a gentleman of leisure," he replied.

"I still don't think you should have retired on my account!"

"I didn't do it just for you, Darlin'. It was something I'd been thinking about for a while now."

"You're sure?"

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Shawn when I met him, I will never lie to you. You have my word on it, Luna."

"That's good enough for me!" she sighed, and leaned her head on his shoulder.

AJ wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Luna was so strong in some ways, in surviving all she had, but she was fragile to. Life had not dealt her a very good hand and even though she'd survived, she had more than physical scars to show for it. AJ knew he had to find a way to show her that life could be good again, and that the three of them could be happy. He was sure with Shawn's help they could convince Luna to face life head on once again.

Maybe the best way to start was just to dive right in. "Luna?"

"Yes, darling?" she asked lifting her head so he could see the love shining from her eyes. He couldn't resist, his question could wait, but he couldn't.

Lowering his head he brought their lips together in a tender kiss. Luna's sigh of pleasure and the opening of her mouth invited him to deepen the kiss, and he did. Shifting their positions until she was practically lying in his arms he allowed his tongue to invade. Luna lifted her arms until they circled his neck and she pulled him even closer.

AJ groaned in desire as he trailed kisses over her face and neck.

Emboldened by the passion of his kisses Luna allowed herself to bring one hand around the front of his neck and began to unbutton his shirt. Her hand delicately caressed his throat and upper chest. After a few minutes she gave into temptation and reached for the next button, AJ stilled her hand with his and whispered against her lips, "Darling, as much as I want to I don't think its right with Shawn here."

Luna signed in frustration and said, "I know, but I just wanted to touch you."

"Oh, darling, believe me, I want that too, and to touch you as well, but if Shawn walked in, I don't think that would be good for him to see that at this point in our relationship."

"Does that mean we have to wait until we're married until we make love, my darling?"

"Why, Luna, are asking me to marry you?" he asked with a teasing grin.

"NO! I…uh…no…" she gasped as she quickly sat up, almost bumping his head with hers in her hurry. "Really, AJ, I was just wondering, I wasn't trying to suggest you marry me."

"Oh," he sighed, "That's too bad because if you had been asking my answer, would have been 'yes'."

"Oh!" she exclaimed in shy surprise. Blushing she got to her feet and looked down at him to see the disarray she had caused. His shirt almost completely unbuttoned, his naked chest exposed to her eyes. In a regretful whisper she said, "I'm sorry, AJ, I shouldn't have been so forward. It's just been so long I got carried away."

Slowly buttoning his shirt he told her, "Luna, it hasn't been as long for me, but having you in my arms made it very difficult to keep from losing control as well."

"Oh," was all she said in reply, not knowing what else to say.

Once his shirt was buttoned he got up and took her in his arms kissing her gently, "Luna, as much as I hate to, I think I should go now."

"Oh, AJ, must you?" Luna begged, then thinking quickly she asked, "Wasn't there something you were going to ask me before you kissed me and things got out of hand?"

To be continued…


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

With a tender smile, AJ said, "Yes, there was. I would like to invite you to my retirement party Friday night. But before you say anything, let me tell you it would mean a great deal to me to walk in with you on my arm."

"As much as I hate to say no to you, I just can't do that, AJ! I simply couldn't face all those people. I try and avoid everyone that I can. How could you even ask me to stand in the spotlight like that with you?" Luna sadly replied.

"I just thought that if we were together you might be able to do it."

"I'm sorry, my darling, if you love me don't ask this of me."

"Forget I mentioned it, Luna my dear, it was only a dream."

"No, I won't forget. It means a lot to me that you want to spend your special night with me I'm just sorry that I'm too much of a coward to do it."

"You're one of the bravest women I know. There is not a cowardly bone in your body, there couldn't be to have faced all the things you have. It doesn't lessen my love for you in any way because you're not able to go to this dinner with me, Luna my love."

"Thank you so much for understanding, AJ," she sighed in relief.

"I do. I don't agree with your reasons, but I do understand them," he told her.

"I knew you would, that's just the kind of man that you are. That even though you don't agree with me, you still believe in my right to feel the way I do." She stood up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek for understanding.

He gently kissed her back and then walked to the door. "What would you like me to make for the two of you for lunch tomorrow?" he asked.

"Anything is fine, AJ, please don't go to a lot of trouble. If I know Shawn, all he will care about is playing with the dog anyway," she smiled as she held open the door for him.

With one last kiss he vanished into the night.

The next day AJ heard Luna's car pull up and the cries of the excited little boy as he climbed out of the car. Because he was already outside, he came around the corner of the house just in time to see the two of them arrive at his front door. "Hey you two, I'm back here on the patio cooking lunch, why don't you come around this way?"

Shawn spun around at the sound of AJ's voice and raced off the porch and over to where he was standing. "Is your dog back here too, Admiral AJ?"

"As a matter of fact, she is. I left her guarding our lunch," AJ laughed.

"Is someone going to steal it?" Luna giggled.

"No, it's just a polite way of saying the silly dog won't leave anywhere there is food being prepared."

"Oh I see, she has her priorities straight!" she was laughing now.

"Yes she does, and so do I!" AJ told her as he saw that Shawn had vanished around the corner of the house. Sweeping Luna into his arms he kissed her so passionately that she was weak in the knees when he allowed her to come up for air.

Giggles and excited barks were filling the air as the adults arrived on the patio. All they could see was a tangle of arms, legs, and paws, as the child and dog wrestled on the grass. "She won't hurt him, will she, AJ?" Luna asked with concern.

"Never, darling. Dam…she has been with several children since I got her and she is completely gentle with them."

"Good," she answered willing to take his word. She knew that Shawn's safety was just as important to AJ as it was to her. "Something smells good, what are you making?"

"I have hot dogs for the under ten crowd and brats for the adults. Does that meet with your approval, Ma'am?"

"Hot dogs?!" these words had gotten the attention of the child on the ground.

"Yes, do you like them, Shawn?"

"Almost as much as chocolate ice cream and macaroni and cheese!" was the answer AJ got.

To be continued…


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

"Good!" AJ responded with a laugh, and almost before he had finished the one word reply Shawn and Dammit were off again. This time it seemed to be a game of chase the tail. Luna and AJ watched as the child and dog enjoyed each other, occasionally though, AJ had to look away to make sure the food on the grill wasn't burning. Soon, they had to call the reluctant child over to eat, but he all of a sudden came willingly when Dammit raced to the table to sit there prepared for any scraps that might drop.

"I've taught her not to beg at the table, but she lives in hopes that something will still hit the ground. Whenever it does she has it snatched up before I can even move to pick it up," AJ told them with a sigh.

After that comment, Shawn suddenly became a clumsy child. Dropping things for the ever-vigilant dog. His mother saw what he was up to and scolded him; she also warned that if he fed all of his food to the dog, he would go hungry because she wouldn't let AJ give him another hot dog. That was enough to convince Shawn that he needed to eat the food instead of feeding it to Dammit. The rest of the meal no food was dropped, much to Dammit's disappointment.

AJ had planned a surprise for the afternoon, he didn't know if Shawn could ride a bike or not, so had purchased one that had training wheels with it. He'd put them on just in case. When they finished eating, he told Shawn that the dog had to go inside for a while. Luna quickly stepped in when Shawn started to protest. She told her son that AJ was to be obeyed just as she was. He quickly agreed looking fearfully from one to the other.

It looked like he was afraid that if he displeased either of them, he would be punished or worse yet, lose their love. When AJ told Luna what he suspected, they sat down to talk to Shawn and explain that he was not in trouble. He would never lose their love. Not sure if he believed them or not, because of what he had been through with his father and Ruby, Shawn nonetheless agreed that he would be a good boy.

Luna and AJ shared a look over the child's head. It would take time for Shawn to trust them completely. He had been through so much in his young life and they were just finding out bits and pieces as they went along. But both of them hoped that with enough love and care, Shawn would become happy and content with them.

When the bike was brought out, Shawn almost fainted with excitement. He simply couldn't believe it was for him, even after he saw the small tin license plate on the back of the seat with his name on it!

Before the end of the afternoon, Shawn was riding up and down the drive on his own. AJ had taken off the training wheels mid-afternoon and soon after that he proudly stopped running alongside the child holding onto the back of his seat so he wouldn't fall. Luna had gone into the house to get them something cold to drink so they could sit on the patio watching Shawn wobbling up and down the drive.

As they watched Shawn practicing on his new bike, AJ felt the need to try once again to get Luna to come with him to his retirement party. But he thought it might be best to work his way up to it slowly. "Luna, what plans do you have for tomorrow?"

She turned to look at him instead of Shawn and said, "Shawn has an appointment with Lieutenant Aguilar in the morning to talk about what Ruby did to him. She also seems to feel after what we have told her, that his father used his own form of mind control on him. She is hoping that she can find out what all was done to him."

"I know that will be very stressful for him, but I think in the end its better that we know it all, so we can help him to recover from it."

"You're right, I just wish that I had found him years ago so he didn't have to go through any of this!"

To be continued…


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

"I do too, darling, but failing that, we will give him all the love and support that we can now. He also needs to know that Frank and Ruby will be punished for what they did to both of you," AJ told her.

"I have my own appointment to that end in the afternoon. I'm scheduled to give a deposition about what happened the night I was injured. Frank will be facing some heavy charges on that, and if they can prove that Ruby knew what was going on, she will be charged as well. Since she was Frank's assistant, she will be tried in a military court," Luna stated.

AJ didn't want to tell her that if she had told them the truth all those years ago, the courts would have brought charges against them then. She might have had Shawn with her all this time. Instead he just said, "I know that you the two of you will be fine, you're both strong and courageous."

"We'll get through it because we have to, but if I were really strong and courageous, I would be able to face your party tomorrow night."

"Luna, I understand your fear, and after the day that you have ahead of you there is no way I want to add any more stress."

"And you don't see why I think you are the kindest and most understanding man in the world?" she smiled and squeezed his hand.

After Shawn and Luna left, AJ went into his study and sat down at his computer to order her a bouquet of flowers. He wanted to send just the right message to her as she faced the day she had ahead of her. Choosing an unusual arrangement of Hydrangeas which meant understanding, so she would know that he did understand why she wouldn't be with him that evening, and flowering Thyme which meant strength and courage, because he knew that she would need both as she and Shawn faced the two meetings scheduled for the day.

AJ stood in front of his mirror putting on his Mess Dress uniform. He could tell you what each and every medal and insignia meant as well as what he'd done to earn it. His uniform was clean and pressed, his shoes were shined, and everything was in its place. He was the picture of a proud military man that had served his country with distinction and honor. He had certainly lived up to the military code imposed on him by his commitment to serve, as well as his own personal code of honor.

Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden unquestionably had a lot to be proud of, but there was something missing. As he picked up his cover and tucked it under his arm, he knew what it was, but there was nothing he could do to change it. Luna should have been on his arm. He wanted so much to share this night with her, to have her meet the men and women that over the years had become friends and then somehow had turned into family.

He knew that Luna and Shawn would be his new family, but he wanted them to be a part of his current family too. He wanted Luna to feel loved and accepted by this group of very special people. They knew what it was like to have battle scars, none better than Bud Roberts who'd lost a leg to a landmine and still fought to stay in the service. That was only one of the reasons AJ was proud that his last official act as Bud's Commanding Officer would be to promote him to Lieutenant Commander.

So he got into the Escalade and endured the lonely ride to the Officer's Club. He entered and waited to be introduced knowing that the evening wouldn't mean to him what it should, without Luna at his side to share it with him.

He was, however, used to putting his personal feelings aside in order to get the job at hand done and that was just what he did. No one knew that the man of the hour wasn't enjoying himself. No one even suspected. He went through the motions, did everything expected of him and even managed a moment of pleasure at the look on Bud's face when the promotion was announced, but after it was done and the dancing was beginning, he knew he couldn't stay.

The only way he could salvage the evening was to be with Luna, so he decided to slip out unnoticed.

To be continued…


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

AJ stood at the door of the Officer's Club, looking at his people laughing and having fun. Yes, they were his people, after nine years with them nothing would ever change that. He felt isolated. Standing there alone, but maybe that was the way it should be, life at JAG would go one without him. His only regret was that Luna wasn't there by his side. He still remembered the fear and sorrow in her eyes when she told him she couldn't come. With a sad sigh, he left that life behind, by walking out the door with his cover under his arm.

Heading towards the parking lot he stopped in stunned surprise as a cab pulled up, the back door opened, and Luna got out. He barely registered the lovely evening gown she was wearing as their eyes met. She walked slowly towards him and he met her half way, only inches separated them when he softly asked, "What changed your mind about coming?"

"I know how much this night means to you and I wanted to be here for you. It just took me longer to get ready than I thought it would. What are you doing out here?"

Noticing for the first time that her hair was swept up and away from her face, he answered, "The evening had no meaning without you. I was coming home to you."

"I'm here now. Let's go back in so you can introduce me to your friends."

With a mile wide grin, he offered her his arm and when she took it he led her back to the party. Just before they walked through the door, AJ turned to her and said, "I was going to ask you this later tonight, and I know that this isn't the most romantic way to do so now, but I love you and want more than anything in the world for you and Shawn to be my future. Luna, will you marry me?"

Tears sparkled in her eyes, but she was too choked up to speak. So she simply nodded to him with a smile. If possible, his grin got larger as he pushed the door open.

Harriett was the first to notice the Admiral coming back in. She had been upset with him when, a few minutes before, she had realized he had left without saying good-bye to anyone. But now here he was back again and with a lovely lady on his arm. Unable to resist the urge, she turned to face the room and called out loudly, "ATTENTION ON DECK!"

Instinctively, everyone spun to face her and came to attention. AJ smiled at her and said, "Thank you, Harriett. Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to introduce you all to my fiancée, Luna Huggins."

There was complete and utter silence in the room for almost a minute until Mac led the applause. It soon filled the room as everyone joined in. Then they all rushed forward to meet Luna. Even though she clung shyly to AJ's arm at first, before the introductions were finished, she seemed to feel more at home.

AJ had taken just a moment after he felt her willingly take a few steps away from him to talk to someone to make a quick trip over to talk to the bandleader. A few moments later they struck up 'Anchors Aweigh' and AJ held out his hand to Luna. "If you will excuse us, gentlemen?" he asked Harm and Sturgis, whom she'd been speaking too.

Once on the dance floor he asked her, "So, didn't I tell you that they would accept you?"

"Yes, you did and so did they! AJ, we've had so many invitations for lunches and dinners, but I didn't know which ones to say yes or no to!"

"We have plenty of time to sort things out, darling! Plenty of time!"

"Speaking of time, my love, I hired Shawn's babysitter until morning…and told her that if things worked out as planned I wouldn't be home 'til then," she told him with a grin.

"Hooyah!" he exclaimed and danced them towards the door.

"Sir, Ma'am, you aren't leaving us so early are you?" Harriett demanded, when she saw where they were heading.

AJ turned for just a moment to answer her, saying with a grin, "I'm afraid so Lieutenant. The night calls!"

THE END


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